HIS WORDS |Editing|

C H A P T E R 9

LOGAN
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Have you ever done something bad but you didn't do it intentionally, but you couldn't take it back because it was too late. Have you ever hurt someone so bad that, that person didn't even want to face you? Did you ever said somthing so hurtful that it took everything inside of that person to not breakdown. Did you ever take something that wasn't yours but it was too late to give it back. Did you ever felt the need to wear a mask everywear you go because if you didn't you would shatter.

I did, but I wasn't proud.

I wasn't proud of who I was in fact I felt ashamed. It's sad, it realy is because I don't know what I have made off myself. The thing is that I didn't no any better. It became a habit to break everything I see around me including myself. It's a bad habit of mine to try and escape. No one told me that I can't escape everything. Smoking or drinking didn't me make me feel less, it made me feel too much. So much that I was at the ocean trying to figure out of I would die if I drowned myself.

Of crours you're going to die if you drown yourself you may think ,but it didn't make sens to me. All I wanted was to be one with the ocean. The problem was that I wasn't made for the ocean just like all the fishes in the sea waren't made for land. I was just standing their letting the ocean waves wet my feet and letting sand come between my toes. Breathing in and letting air fill in my lungs instead of water.

I have failed.

I understand why my parents wish I was never born. I know why they call me a faillure. Failing is all I do. Never in my life have I made someone proud of me. Knowing that it puched me a little furder. Maybe they will love me more if I did something good. Maybe, just maybe they would tell me that I have done a great job. But instead they look at me in disgust and shake their head. I can even hear there voices. Telling me that I'm not worth it,telling me that I'm not worth there time. So I stood here looking at the waves and feeling like maybe I could be one with the ocean.

There was a moyer issues that didn't let me. The thought of her and my friends, even my family. I don't think that it was worth it. So I took steps back and sighed.

"It's time to go back."

No one realy replaid.

"It's time to go back,I dont feel like going back."

No one said something there was complitly silence. I turned around and got inside my car that wasn't so far way. I drove past my house and found myself infront of Denya's house. I wasn't planing on going inside. It was quit calm in her neigberhood. I got a text from Denya asking me if I'm alright. Why wouldn't I be alright I answered back at her. A couple of minets she looked out the window and waved at me. Denya was sitting in my car after 5 minutes, she put her binnie on and huged herself.

"It's cold outside Den,you should have stayed inside." I said while looking at her.

Denya had a smile plastered on her face, she takes my hand locked her hand in mine. I smiled at her and shake my head at her action. It was realy cold outside so I didn't want her to get sick.

"But I'm serious Den go back inside."

"Logan."

I nodded my head so she could go on. She look the other way without facing me and contuned.

"Why do I have the feeling that something is wrong."

"Well I don't know because everything is fine." I tell her while I drive away from her house.

"You don't smile very often."

I look her way before looking in front of me again. "I'm fine Denya." I tell her in the hope she would stop worring about me.