Incubus

VIII : The Aftermath

Mutsuki has never felt shittier in his entire (and mostly torturous) life. Ever since he kicked Karren out of Quinx, you had been giving him the cold shoulder, but not the one he was used to, way before you warmed up to him. You literally refused any physical or verbal contact with him at all times, whether it be at work or at home. It really hurts, but what was worse is that he had absolutely no idea what he's done to deserve it.

He knows humans can be difficult at times though, but this isn't what's wrong, it was obvious. You looked at him like he was a horrible monster, like he was an abomination--which he sort of already is. You grimace at the sight of him, eyeing him from head to toe before holding your head high up and turning your attention to something else, probably deeming it more worthy than he.

The others had all noticed this of course, but they weren't exactly trying to fix anything.

Shirazu and Higemaru insisted it was a couple fight, which neither of you felt like rectifying. At this point, Urie had even changed your schedules so you wouldn't have many shifts together, since he didn't want something as stupid as a disagreement to ruin his business.

That didn't help Tooru comprehend what happened. It just gave him less time around you, which he hated. If you were home, he was at the café and if he wasn't at the café, you were. Sometimes, there would be miraculous exceptions, like weekends, but you'd take those to go out with your friends, leaving Tooru behind (and heartbroken). He knew the others would find it out of character for him if he invited himself to tag along, seeing as he was supposed to act all shy and socially awkward.

He still can't believe he let one simple human mean so much to him, but things like these aren't something he's in conscious control of. The only thing he can do right now is suck it up and try to figure out what the hell is wrong with the two of you.

Weeks passed and Mutsuki was getting more and more anxious. You hadn't let your guard down, you were still as mad as you were the first day. It had been so long since he got to actually talk with you, since he got to tease you. Since he got to feel the way his heart would beat just a little bit faster when instead of actually getting mad, you'd smile warmly at him while shaking your head in disbelief.

It was too much for him to deal with. Just a few months ago, before meeting you, he thought he'd go crazy from starvation but this is so much worse than a simple lack of nutrients.

Laying down on the couch in your living room, Tooru sighed as another wave of sadness crashed on him, drowning him in the most terrible feeling he's ever felt.

Genuine longing for your kindness, for your friendship.

It's been occurring a lot more since you've been ignoring him, he has to admit. Before that, he felt lust and curiosity, normal things for him to feel towards you, but something else started waking up within him. Feelings that, despite your attitude right now, made him feel more human than ever (and not at all at the same time).

Before he could assess his condition any further, noise outside the apartment drew his attention.

"Thanks for tonight, it was great!" He heard you cheerily say from behind the door he was currently looking at.

"No problem, Shinsanpei, Ginshi and I thought it would be nice to keep your mind away from your boy troubles right now." That was Touma's voice, no doubt. It made him scowl.

"I really appreciate that, Touma. Thank you." You repeated in a much more sincere tone, the sound of keys jingling covering up a bit of your words. Thankfully, incubuses had great hearing.

"It's nothing, don't worry! Don't get all soft on me, (Y/N), I like you feisty." I like them feisty too... Tooru thought, pouting like a child. He could practically hear Higemaru's flirty smirk and wink. "But if you ever need any help, I'm here for you, seriously."

"Thanks, Touma. You're a great friend." The keys stopped making noise for a bit, leaving Mutsuki nervous at the possibilities it could imply.

Not too long after you spoke, Touma bid you farewell and you reciprocated his goodbyes before entering your apartment. Not even sparing him a look, you went straight to your room, down the hallway.

He couldn't bare it anymore. He just couldn't. He hated having to see you act as if nothing was wrong and then become heartlessly cold towards him only. What had he done wrong? He still couldn't figure it out, but that might be because of the pressure he put on himself by trying to conjure up the memories of that certain day. He was becoming more desperate after weeks of futile attempts.

He didn't have forever, after all.

Was it because he kicked out Karren? That's the only thing he recalls doing that day that was out of the ordinary. Was it when he..? No, it couldn't be. He was on the other side of the shop with her, there's no way you were that far along the process already. You still had time, so it couldn't be acting up so soon, right?

The incubus shook his head before getting up and stomping towards your room (he felt bad for the people in the flat below yours), determined to let you know what was going on in his head.

Knocking on your door, he cleared his throat. "(Y/N), I want to talk."

He waited about five minutes, but no answer came to him, so he decided to keep going as a one-sided conversation. "I don't know what I've done wrong, but I'm terribly sorry for it. I'd like it if we could talk it out and you could tell me, so I won't make that mistake again."

Still, no signs of life from you.

"Listen, I miss you." He sighed, leaning his forehead on the door as if it'd help him be more honest. "I miss when you'd treat me like an equal, okay? I hate it when you just glare at me and look at me like I'm a hideous monster. I'm already aware of that fact, so you don't need to remind me, please! I just want to spend time with you again."

You remained silent.

"This hurts, you know. It hurts that you treat me like this, but I understand. The only thing I want is for us to go back to normal, (Y/N). You're the first friend I've had in decades and I don't want to let you go yet. Thanks to you, I made even more friends... You're an amazing person and I don't want to leave you, please..."

"Please, don't hate me, okay? I'll be better, I swear. (Y/N), please, I'm begging you..."

Tooru knew it was no good being verbally honest if he didn't let his body talk. With that, he let a few tears slide on his cheeks as he backed up from your door, realizing you weren't going to let him in.

You might never let him in ever again. If it were the case, there's only one thing you'd do instead...

"Please don't make me leave."