Stomach Tied In Knots ✔

Part Four: Opening Up

For Jess Williams, it was just another day.

She woke up with a clouded mind and a knot in her stomach. She went to school despite her urge not to. She spoke to her friends in the morning and then attended homeroom.

There Mary-Ann went on and on about the latest show binged and the song's that she currently had on repeat.

Jess just nodded, pretending to listen, whilst her mind was focusing on everything around her - the boys whispering, the girls laughing in the distance, the annoying chick chewing her gum as loud as possible.

That's when her mouth grew unbelievably dry. She immediately took her drink bottle from in front of her and began guzzling down the iced water. After a few seconds, Jess placed her bottle down before looking down at her lap.

She straightened up a hand and focused her vision. She found that her hand's were shaking rapidly, back and forth. Her heart rate spiked. Of course, there was no reason for her sudden symptoms. There was no danger present, Jess knew that, but her body was telling her otherwise.

"Are you even listening to me?" Mary-Ann rolled her eyes.

No, she wasn't but Jess always made an effort to at least pretend to be.

Jess had a list of excuses which she used every day to conceal her anxiety from those around her.

Her personal favourites were:

1. I'm just tired

2. I think I'm coming down with something

3. I'm bored, that's all

4. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind

Jess looked up at the girl "...sorry, I just have a lot on my mind" she said.

"....If you ever need to talk, I'm always here for you" Mary-Ann smiled.

That's what people say but that's never what they mean. She knew that from experience.

Jess spent the next few hours on autopilot, not paying attention to anything her teachers or friends were saying.

Eventually, it was lunch. Jess sat around the table in the cafeteria beside Nick, with Tash and Milo across from them. Milo began typing on his laptop aggressively as Tash and Nick ate their shared ham and pineapple pizza.

Jess glanced at the garlic bread that sat on the plate in front of her and felt immediately nauseated. She looked down at her lap and found her hands shaking once again. Her face flushed with heat.

Please stop it
She begged her body.

"What's wrong with you?" Nick asked from beside Jess.

"Nothing" Jess shook her head as placing her hand in her lap "...my hands are shaking that's all"

Of course to Jess, it wasn't as little as she lead on.

"Yeah maybe because you haven't touched your food" Milo commented from the opposite side of the table.

"No, it's not that" Jess assured them "It's just...anxiety"

Saying that seven letter word evoked a fire inside of Jess's stomach, creating instant regret.

Why did I just say that? She wondered.

"Do you have a presentation coming up?" Nick asked Jess casually.

"No, I...." Jess sighed "I have generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder..."

That's when Milo shot his head up from his laptop.

Her friends didn't understand how difficult it was for Jess to admit. She had rehearsed that conversation over and over in her head, often late at night while everyone else was asleep.