Stomach Tied In Knots ✔

Part Nine: Driving Anxiety

Jess Williams tightened her grip around the rim of the steering wheel, just as releasing a long-held breath.

Her eyes wandered to her review mirror, where she found a grey SUV dangerously close to the back of her mother's car.

"Eye's on the road Jessica" her mother ordered.

Jess drew a cold deep breath while the cars speed past her side. She tenses her stomach when the car behind her honks their horn.

Here goes nothing, she thought to herself.

She holds her breath when pressing her foot against the accelerator, speeding the car down the street.

Her legs begin to tremble while attempting to make out the figures in the distance.

"Turn!" Her mother ordered.

Jess' eyes widened in fear when she twists the steering wheel, sharply turning the car, around the bend. Her heart leaves her chest when she looks over her fearful mother.

"Stop it, Jess!" She cried. "Slow the car down!"

Jess steps on the breaks forcefully before looking over to her mother.

"What are you doing? Drive" her mum screamed.

Suddenly, tears streamed down Jess' cheeks just as cars behind her begin to honk their horns.

She was afraid of driving. Afraid of other drivers and afraid of herself. All she could think about while she drove was what it must feel like to collide with another car.

Jess shakes her head violently before opening the driver's side door.

"Jess!" Her mother called as Jess ran from the car, down the dark street.

Behind her was a line of angry drivers, honking their horns violently. 

Jess ran down the street as fast as she could. Her heart beating at a million miles per hour while her thighs begin to burn. Her stomach knots up but she ignores these symptoms and continues to sprint.

Jess has always loved long distance running. The symptoms experienced while she ran resembled her symptoms experienced during a panic attack. The only difference was that the pounding heart and the nausea were all by choice and could be stopped at any moment. She felt as though she gained control while she ran -- control over her life, her worries, and for a little while, her anxiety. 

When she arrived home, she found her dad with folded arms. "Jess?" He asked worryingly, firming his gaze just as her mother bursts through the doors.

"Mum—" Jess wiped her tears.

"Your daughter" her mother points furiously at her dad. "I'm done...No more! For now on, you can take her"

With that, her mother storms away from the pair. Her dad sighed "What happened?"

Jess dropped her gaze to her shoes. "I just got scared that's all..."

"Scared? She panics!" Her mother snapped from the next room, "She sees a car in the opposite direction and swerves out of her lane!"

"I'm sorry" Jess muttered almost silently.

"You can take her for now on! I'm done" her mother declared.

Jess and her father exchanged sad looks. He took a step towards her, just as pulling his key out from his back pocket.

"C'mon lets go" he half smiled before leaving the house through the front door.

Jess wiped her eyes with her fingertips. She furrowed her brows in confusion before following him to the driveway.

He sits in the passenger seat, looking over to her with a sad smile.

"Dad...I don't know..." she sniffs.

Jess didn't trust herself. How could she when she swerves whenever a car entered her line of vision?

Every night Jess went to sleep fearing that she would one day have a panic attack at the wheel. One so bad that she is paralyzed and unable to control the vehicle. How could she possibly overcome that fear?

"Just get in Jess" her dad sighed.

She gulps down hard before complying with her father's demand. When she arrives in the driver's seat, she starts up the engine and quickly reverses from the driveway.

Jess begins driving down a quiet street where the only thing she could hear was an owl. When a car pulled up from the opposite direction her body tenses up.

"D—dad" her chin quivered in fear, "d—dad"

He looked over to her. "It's okay Jess, they have their lane and you've got yours"

Jess nodded slowly before passing the car.

They have their lane and I have mine.

"Speed up," her dad said while looking at the speedometer that read twenty. Jess shakes her head violently. Her dad sighs, "fine take a right"

Jess furrowed her brows. She knew that a right turn would take her onto a main road. She couldn't even drive on quiet streets let alone a main road.

"B—but that's a main road—" she stuttered in fear. "...I can't..."

Her dad exhaled sharply, "fine then make a left..."

She made the turn but found a car speeding up behind her. Her eyes widened in fear as she is forced to step on the accelerator.

"Good" her dad smiled as she speeds up to forty miles per hour.

Jess smiled when she finds herself driving at the normal speed. It wasn't as scary as she thought.

And within the next month or so, Jess Williams was driving on multilane streets in rush hour traffic. She still flinches whenever she sees a car in the corner of her eye.

But with time she's found herself less fearful and more confident.

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Hi all,

This is an aspect of many anxiety disorders that young people struggle with. Even those who do not have a mental illness find themselves with driving anxiety. So, I just wanted to show you guys what that looks like.

Thank you

- Rose xx