My Everything

Again.

He's doing SoundCloud.
I was really happy for him because he was finally getting some publicity other than the few people who knew about his work, aka me and some other friends.

Oh Star.

I really do love you, I really do care, I support that you want to become a rapper, but I just don't trust you anymore. You lost my trust after you left me heartbroken and depressed the first time.
This time you say :

"Dating is so fucking gay"

Ha, but look at you, tagging your new girlfriend "Alexus." What made you think I wouldn't find out anyway, I'm not stupid, and I'm glad you don't have Wattpad so you won't be able to see my rants but I'll still make this public for my personal reasons.

I'm not sure what it is, but having these rants public gives me some sort of satisfaction or clarity for some odd reason. Oh well.

So this Alexus girl is supposedly so special she got the honor of becoming your girlfriend, huh? Not to brag or anything but I don't see what's so good about her, not saying I'm gorgeous or anything, I'm far from it, but I was better with you Josh. At least I'm starting to realize all the pain you caused me, those months of suffering and suffocating because I felt so lost and desperate without you, that was all bs.

I need to learn to Love Myself.

I still have a long way to go, and I still care about you, but I know you're not a necessity to my life, you were just something giving me pleasure and comfort, my selfishness. Granted I failed to see the problems and blindly followed you like a dog in heat, but there are other things I realize are way more important than a good fuck.

My friends.
You made me distance myself from them.

My family.
They didn't understand what was going on with me.

Music.
I always loved sad music, but it had a different perspective since I met you.

Fashion.
I always liked dark colors, but you always preferred me in bright colors that I never enjoyed.

Life itself.
I was always quiet, always calm and sometimes outgoing, but you left me in a worse state, yet I know with time I'll be picking up the pieces you so carelessly dropped.

Love.
I still do love you, but now I know better. After you leave this girl, you're going to come crawling back to me because that's just now you are.

I'll let Alexus pick you back up, and if you finally decide to stay loyal to me which I don't think you will do, I'll still be here but you just won't control me.

You're not going to control me anymore, I won't let you.

I'm going to enjoy time with my friends and I'm going to enjoy my life.

When you come see me in a year I believe, I'll be happy to see you, but you're not going to just use me as a toy.

You're not going discard me.

Because I love you, but you're not my master.
We are not just play things we use when we need each other, we used to have such a good connection, what happened?

We were blinded by love, we were too young and nieve when we first met, for now I see that what you did to me was just insulting, and yes I agree I was stupid to think you were the one.

I still think we have a chance but it's just the dumb ignorance inside me.

I need to grow and learn that I'm more important.