Dearest, Soulmate (Jamilton)

22. Dearest, Fantasy

Laurens

John felt like something was off with his life but he wasn't sure exactly what. 

Everything that used to bother him before (he wasn't sure what he was comparing to, but just before) seemed more trivial than he could ever remember if that counted for anything. His soulmate situation didn't seem so bad anymore, his grades and family life were the least of his worries. . . he was just so okay with everything. Not particularly happy, he'd definitely be fine with a little more than what he had, but what he had was still enough for him. 

Whether things were overtly different, however, he wasn't going to spend too much time thinking about it. It didn't even really matter too much anyway since he was feeling pretty alright. 

Instead of dwelling on it, John looked at his group of friends all sitting around the usual lunch table. Alexander and Eliza were holding hands, as they usually did, and Lafayette was scrolling through whatever social media he was cycling through. Peggy had her nose in a textbook, jotting down quick notes for what John assumed was her robotics class since that one was her favorite. Herc had carrots shoved on his teeth, making Thomas and the girl hanging onto his arm laugh. For some reason, seeing Thomas and his soulmate confused John. It upset him why he couldn't figure out why he felt wrong about seeing it—

John looked at his group of friends all sitting around the usual lunch table. Everyone sat in their usual spots, doing their typical lunch activities and Thomas was sitting alone, picking at his food with his fork. He didn't look like he had much of an appetite, which John felt bad about. Everyone else was having fun and Thomas was left out of everything. 

Suddenly, the boy perked up, joining the conversations around him like nothing was bothering him. Confusion ate at John but as soon as he started questioning why he felt that way, he got a wave of relaxation. For some reason, after closing his eyes for a second to regain his focus, John felt like he would see an old tree house and Thomas's face when he opened them again. It was a weird thing to expect, no doubt, but his mind made the connection almost automatically. 

"John, what's up?" Hamilton asked with a large smile on his face. Laurens wondered what that was about, but decided to ignore it. It didn't even really matter, right? As long as Alex was happy. 

"Nothing," John replied in a less than ecstatic tone. It felt weird at first, but after a second it felt almost natural. "Tired, I guess." 

"Try sleeping more," Hercules suggested. 

The entire table, including Thomas, started cracking up like it was the funniest joke they'd ever heard. For some reason, John had to fight back the urge to laugh too. He didn't even find the joke very funny, he had no idea why he wanted to laugh so badly, but he did. Eventually, the relaxation and the infectious laughter of his friends got to him to break and he started hysterically with everyone else. 

Nothing changed when he was on his way and when he finally got to his internship with his father. The two had full conversations that were way more airy and upbeat than what a teenager and middle-aged man should be capable of, but that didn't stop everything they talked about, and they talked about everything. They even talked about things that John didn't even think he remembered right. 

Inside the building, everything seemed more lively. Compared to what, John didn't know, he just knew it was more lively. As if on cue, his soulmate sent him a message. 

Hey, Johnny! she mentally cheered, sending a new smile onto his face. 

Hey, Martha, he responded almost immediately as he went about his business. Everything felt pretty fine inside the building. John was glad that his feeling of something being off was gone. What's going on?

Nothing, just wanted to talk.

You don't have anything else to do?

No? Why would I? 

John had to think for a second as he copied some papers. Why would she have something else to do? They were soulmates, they came above everything, right? 

When he went to respond to Martha, he felt something going wrong with his chip. The buzzing intensified into an almost annoying vibration and a high pitched ringing stabbed in his brain until it was physically painful just standing there. He could tell that Martha was trying to call out to him, but she sounded more static-y than anything, if he didn't know any better, he'd think it was someone else entirely trying to contact him.

As quickly as it started, it was gone, though. Or at least, that's what John thought. When he regained his focus, all his papers were done copying and at least two full hours had passed. Henry was standing behind him, but he didn't look in the slightest bit worried. So, needless to say, John's confusion was back. 

"Ready to go John?" Henry asked in the same cheerful voice everyone seemed to have. 

"Uh, yeah," he muttered, moving the copied papers over to the desk they were supposed to go to. Nobody came to get the papers as Laurens apparently stared at them for two hours. Things were definitely starting to confuse John more and more so, as he felt the wave of relaxation come over him, he kept a mantra going in his head to be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary, even though he barely knew what "ordinary" was supposed to be. 

Once he was home, he went through the motions he knew he was supposed to, which felt more natural than the happiness that he was supposed to be feeling. That sounded sad as he thought over it, but somehow it really did feel better. He was ready to go to sleep after the weird day that he'd had. 

After he was done with his chores, John ran up to his room. It wasn't quite time for him to go to sleep yet, so he decided calling a friend would have been fine. The only thing other than going through the motions that felt natural to John was going to Alexander to talk about his weird day. It took a few rings, but when the other boy picked up, Laurens was immediately talking. 

"Johnny, slow down," Hamilton laughed from the other end. As much as he loved that his best friend was happy, John really wished people would show an emotion other than happiness. 

"My day has been weird as shit Ham," John said, boiling down his original rant to its most basic form. 

"Weird how?" Alex laughed again. 

"Weird as in everyone's too happy and I don't get it!" John yelled. "God, nothing matters right now!" 

"What do you mean?"

John wanted to scream at how happy everything was being. 

"Okay, fine. Fuck you, Hamilton! You are a giant fucking asshole and I honestly really don't know why I'm your friend!" None of what he'd said was true, obviously, but just as he'd suspected, Alexander laughed like it was nothing. 

"That's cool, Johnny." 

John didn't even bother saying anything before he hung up. It literally didn't matter what he said anyway. Not caring about the time, he got comfortable enough to go to sleep. His head started hurting before he actually had a chance to go to sleep, though. The same pain from when he was at his internship came back and he was left clutching his head in his arms, pressing against his ears to block out whatever noise he could, and trying to make it go away. 

It didn't work, though. The pain only got more and more intense until finally, it stopped. Everything concerning the pain stopped and he heard a very clear voice, one that he recognized from the lunch table. 

John? Can you hear me? It's Thomas.