the inevitable

*six

over and over like wave upon wave
crashing one on top of another
in such a way where the
pattern is recognizable, predictable
I am spinning so fast
my arms are unable to move.
My mouth stays closed
as the sound of my voice fall farther away
like a faint memory
resounding in my mind.
Thoughts slurring like paint mixing together ,
swirling around till all that's left are
mucky colors and an unsound feeling.
There's so much to say
that my breathing stifles at the
thought of how to start.
Repeating from beginning to end.
Heaving from memory to memory and
forcing myself to dig from the most buried.
Tearing up the roots of where I have grown.
Left waiting;
just waiting to be put back in.
Scratching anxiously, shaking, searching.
Insanity blurs my vision,
but my eyes are open.
I can't be silenced anymore.
Words bubbling up through my lips,
hitting your heart where it hit mine the most.
Every rip and stitch.
Tracing what you took.
The scars I don't have.
My ears are ringing there's nothing left to hear.
Only the mistakes of who I am
and the inhale of my lungs.
There's nothing else I would rather have.
Then to feel the tears
tracing from cheek to chin.
To mute the static once again.
To feel the rain.