Band X

Chapter 5: Soggy Jesus

The ride home is quiet which is both a relief and a worry. My mom is usually all bluster, loud and full of animated gestures. Her arms flail all over the place, and her voice raises to a near deafening level, or at least it feels that way to me as it echoes through my ears. My dad told me that it's a family trait on my mom's side. It's not that she's actually louder than everyone else around her. It's that her voice carries over everyone else's even if the rest of the crowd is talking loudly. I image her voice shooting out of her mouth and soaring on a big gust of wind, hurtling through the air toward an unsuspecting person. Her voice is so solid that it has an impact when it reaches you. I imagine it knocking that person over, her thunderous words swirling all around him or her. Once we arrive home and park in the driveway, my mom looks in the rear view mirror and then over at me. "Your father's here. Let's go in"

Only I don't move. I watch my mom get out of the car and walk up the path to the house but I remain immobile. I look up, though the windshield, at our house. Its lights are on and they glow against the evening sky. I know I've said it before but I love this house. It makes me feel safe. But right now, for this one time only, I don't want to go in. Before anyone gets too concerned about my well being, I'm not worried that I'm going to be punished in some severe, unthinkable way.

My mom might be unbearably loud sometimes and my dad may be a little too stern when he's pissed about something, but they would never hurt me. No, I just don't want to face the inevitable discussion that is going to begin as soon as I shut the front door behind me. Or, even worse, the silence that tells me my parents are still thinking about what to do with their mess of a daughter. Yep, I think, the silence is the worst of the two options. If that happens, I'll probably have to wait until tomorrow morning to hear how they can't believe I lied to them, how disappointed they are. I'd rather get it over with now, no matter how their lecture is going to make me feel. I won't feel worse that I already do, that's for sure.

I watch my mom enter the front door and see my brother peering around her. I'm sure he's wondering why I'm still in the car. Or maybe he already knows I'm in trouble with our parents and is thinking he can't blame me for wanting to stay outside for just a little while longer.

I jump a little when I hear a sharp tapping on the car window. My dad is staring at me. He doesn't look mad, just a little sad and confused.

"What are you waiting for? Let's go inside."

He opens the car door and I have no choice but to slowly get up and follow him.

Once inside, my brother is filled with questions that he whispers at me as my dad goes to join my mom in the kitchen. Michael speaks so quickly that I can't answer him. I just stare at the wide-eyed look on his face. He was worried about me.

"What the hell is going on?"

"What happened to you?"

"Are you OK?"

"Are mom and dad going to kill you?"

"Are you really in a band?"

"Are you-"

"Jesus, shut up!" I've had enough questions and cut him off, answering each one so he'll leave me alone.

"I passed out."

"I think I'm OK. I'm not sure."

"I hope mom and dad don't actually kill me but I can't answer that for sure."

"I was going to be in a band." I stop and stare down at my feet. This one is hard to answer. "I think that I'm out now, though."

Michael has one last question for me. "Why?" He looks sad, like he feels sorry for me. That irritates me because I don't want anyone to pity me. Ever.