ran-dumb rants

life update

gooooooood morning everybody.

it's been a hot minute since I've written a rant on this here story so I figured, since I've got a lotta spare time on my hands at the moment, why not rant about (or explain, more or less) the things that are going on in my life right now?

first off, at the end of this past June, I took off on a month-long trip through Asia with my childhood best friend. for years her and her parents have gone for visits to Indonesia yearly in order to see family, and the idea of them taking me along was something that my friend and I sometimes daydreamed about but figured was way too unrealistic and would never happen.

but sometime in the spring, my friend told me that her mom said she could bring me along this year, and I asked my mom what she thought about it... while hoping she wouldn't freak out at me on the spot for daring to make such a proposal. but instead, she had said that she would love for me to go, because she trusts my friend's mom to look after me and she wouldn't want the lifetime opportunity to pass me by... and then I ended up being the skeptic. me being me, i had lots of concerns about my safety and the many things that could go wrong while I wandered around the other side of the fricken world.

but after lots of talking and convincing, I just knew I couldn't let my fears get in the way of something so amazing. so i went! so much happened during that month, it's too much to even rant about. but the bottom line is, I'm forever grateful for my mom, my friend, her parents and anyone else who had some sort of say in our trip for making it possible for me to hitch along.

like WHAT?! I went to Indonesia and Singapore with my best friend and her parents for a month? talk about living the good life.

things definitely weren't the usual everyday life after I got back either though. instead, my entire world was flipped upside down, and even now I'm still adjusting...

did I mention that two days before my trip, I moved?

well I did, and once I got back, I had just about two weeks to settle into my new home and prepare for the part of moving that terrified me the most:

transferring schools.

I was a ball of nerves about it, and once school finally started, reality hit me in the face with a bowling ball. of course, I had a lot of fears before starting school, but I also had a lot of hope that everything would go exactly how I wanted it to. and unfortunately, I was very wrong.

I thought people would notice that I was a new girl and would reach out to me to get to know me, but instead I felt invisible to pretty much everyone - and anyone who actually did notice I was new only acknowledged me for a few minutes before pretty much forgetting I ever existed.

every day during the first week I cried as soon as my mom picked me up from school just because of how much the day sucked.

I ended up going there for 3 weeks before fully realizing that it isn't at all where I belong. you may say I was too quick to judge and should've sucked it up and just kept going, but it's easier said than done. I had zero motivation to get out of bed in the morning - seriously, there was absolutely no reason for me to go to school anymore. I couldn't even focus in class because there was so much on my mind about it all, so I wouldn't be awfully surprised if my grades also would have suffered.

NOW BEFORE YOU THINK IM A DROPOUT-
just keep reading.

I decided to do online school. with suggestions from my family and friends and some long and hard conversations with my amazing mom, I realized that online school is where I belong right now.

you can think what you want of me for making such a huge decision, but that's one of the things that I promised myself when I made the decision in the first place: no matter what other people may think is right, or how much they may ridicule you, don't let their opinions and judgement interfere with you doing what you know is best for you.

so that's what I'm doing. it's kind of difficult to explain all the things that have added up to this point, but long story short it's exactly what I need to do for myself right now and I'm looking so forward to seeing where it goes.

if you read all that, kudos to you. most of my updates on here are meant for the average person to relate to and be able to maybe laugh about but my life has been wild lately so I thought I'd share. lemme know if you want me to do an update that's a little more detailed about these things, or anything else you might wanna hear about in the future.

chow :)