Hamilton One-Shots

FIGHT ME, YOU BUTTHEAD!

^^^ 'Hollaback Girl' by Gwen Stefani.

I have a stomach bug... so I think I'm half-crazy right now.

ANYWAY, I decided to write this because I heard this song on the radio and thought, "Would the people fighting be Jefferson and Hamilton, Burr and Hamilton, Laurens and Lee, or Hamilton and Lee/Seabury/pretty much everyone?" That is where I got the idea for this.

Sooooo now have this poorly written story about Jefferson and Hamilton getting into a fistfight.

Also, it's genderbent. I am well aware that boys can be cheerleaders and all. And boys can wear skirts, everyone can wear whatever they want, etc. I just wanted to change it, 'cause I haven't ever done anything genderbent and wanted to see if I was any good. 

"Ma'am, she's not doing the proper procedure and she knows it!" the girl shouts, banging her hands on the table and glaring daggers at her lab partner, who just huffs and sinks down into her seat.

Mrs. Washington sighs and runs her hand over her face. "Miss Alexis, sit down. I'm sure Miss Tessa has a legitimate reason for... whatever the heck she's doing."

Tessa rolls her eyes and jabs an accusatory finger at the partially dissected worm on the table. "It's dumb that these things are so tiny." The other girl whirls on her. "So you steal Jackie's? Even if you somehow managed to not mess it up, now Jackie doesn't have one and she'll fail!"

The argument gets even more heated, and Mrs. Washington just ends up heading back to her desk and giving the class a free period.

"OKAY, FIGHT ME, YOU BUTTHEAD!" is the stunning conclusion to the disagreement. Tessa scowls down at the smaller girl. "Fine. Your funeral. Meet you by the bleachers after cheer practice."

By this point, the entire class is not-so-discreetly eavesdropping, and a collective gasp goes up. Fights have never escalated to this point, and so you can't really blame them for being shocked. Even the average middle schooler needs some excitement in their lives.

Alexis gives a curt nod. "Fantastic. Bring your little girlfriend," she spits out, turning on her heel and walking out of the classroom as the bell rings. Tessa stares after her, shocked, and then shouts back, "She's not my girlfriend, you're the bisexual one here!"

The students trickle out of the room, heading to their next classes and already beginning to gossip about the upcoming fight between the two most popular girls in the grade. Needless to say, the illegalness (is that a word? well, it is now!) of this only adds to the excitement.

Cheerleading practice is... to say the least... tense. Tessa and Alexis can't restrain themselves from glaring at one another and keep forgetting the dance moves. If they keep this up, they'll be kicked off their spots as co-captains. Lemme say, whoever decided that they would share the position made a horrible decision. Those girls can't work together if their lives depended on it.

Thankfully, that circle of hell is done within an hour, and the real attraction, the fight, can begin. Alexis and her "friend," Jackie, arrive first. There's already a good crowd forming. Even Sami Seabury is there, though everyone knows it's just so she can pray for the immortal souls of everyone involved. Or so she can catch a glance of Georgia King, though she'd never admit to it, gayness being a "sin" and all.

Tessa and her not-girlfriend, Jamie, arrive a few minutes later. Jamie's bundled up in at least four layers, but she's still shivering. Imagine how cold Alexis and Tessa must be, having only their cheer uniforms on.

"Okay, let's go," Alexis grumbles as the two combatants size one another up. Jamie starts rubbing her arms to keep warm, frost on her breath. Jackie just sighs and steps between Alexis and Tessa.

"Alright, alright, we need rules. Number one, are you both ready?" she asks the two girls, sounding absolutely bored. They both nod.

"Number two, do you each have someone to back you up? That'd be Jamie and I." Jamie shifts awkwardly, clearly not prepared to back anyone up.

"Number three, Jamie and I, I presume, know the rules and are on board with this."

"Number four, only punching is permitted. And, if anyone gets hurt, the fight will stop and we'll take them to the clinic or something. Additionally, if an adult asks why the injured person is injured, we will not tell them the truth. Does everyone here agree?" The crowd, for the most part, nods. Peter Schuyler shouts, "THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB, DON'T TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!" He is quickly shushed by his two brothers, Andrew and Ethan.

"Number five, we all have homework to do, so we'd better make this quick. Unless y'all want to fail geometry."

"Number six, Alexis and Tessa, do either of you need to say anything to your backups or the crowd as a whole?" They both shake their heads and Jackie continues.

"Number seven, sorry, but you guys are both dumb and I don't know why I'm doing this." The crowd hisses at that, but one lone girl claps. "Repent and confess your sins!" Sami shouts, earning her an ugly glare from everyone.

"Number eight, if anyone needs to leave, do it now. Last chance."

"Number nine, take a deep breath. This is it. No biting or scratching, just fists."

"Number ten, let's go!" Jackie shouts, stepping backward and letting the two cheerleaders at each other.

It's over quickly. In less than five minutes, Alexis has a very bloody nose and Tessa has collapsed from exhaustion into the snow and the fight is over. 

Jamie tiptoes timidly over and helps her friend up. "You okay?" Teressa grins and sticks her tongue out at Alexis. "Never better." Jackie and Alexis are having the same conversation only a few feet away.

The crowd disperses, the combatants and their backups leave, and all that's left is some blood on the ground and some silent snowflakes who bore witness to the whole thing. Yet again, it's a silent night.

I would like to make the note that cheerleaders are not all bad, like most groups of people. I was one once, and though I didn't personally like it, I can see how people do. It had too much shouting and girly-ness for me. Also, the uniforms were... ughhhhhh I was always freezing cold.

IS IT CHRISTMAS YET???????