Chapter Two

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by frxnksiero

by frxnksiero

I can't sleep, I keep attempting but I won't fall asleep. I guess I'm over-thinking again, nothing unusual there, I always over-think just as I'm about to fall asleep or so i think. My mind is too active at night, replaying thoughts. A variety of thoughts, a mix of both the good kind and the kind that just haunts you for the rest of the night, but even so, when the sun rises. The thoughts are still there, embedded at the front of my mind.

I lay awake, my eyes glaring at the roof above me as darkness floods in through the window, a shimmery moonlight sinking in the overdue. I blink as another wave of thought succumbs me; there's many things Ashley can take away from me but what he can't take away is the thoughts I have. It's like having another voice screaming at me to do things, telling me to do unthinkable things - the mind is a scary place and no one should ever indulge themselves in my mind. It's too dark and horrid.

Before I can counter it, the sun begins to stand in it's holy place in the sky. The sunlight piercing through the thin glass layer. In the distance, I hear the prominent, daily ritual of the scraping of claws against the wooden floor.

"Shush," Ashley grumbles softly, shuffling his feet heftily.

A yawn escapes my mouth impatiently, I shake my head as my non-dominate hand hovers over my mouth. I roll over, hauling the duvet over one shoulder as I reach over towards the small bedside table and scanter for my phone. I pull it towards me, I yawn once again before I push the home button.

6:30 AM

Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me. I throw myself back against the pillows and bedding, my arm shielding the light from my eyes as I groan tiredly. I survived yet another day with my cousin; so far, no improvement although he did stay true to his words; he raided my entire room and threw out every single packet of cigarettes I had stashed around. Fuck, I don't have another way to get a kick. I'll discover some way to scavenge for my kick that I need to keep myself breathing.

* * * * *

Ashley decided to drag me along to the studio with him.

Paranoid much?

Anyway, he said that I should talk with the guys but honestly, I only want to talk to Andy and maybe use him for a cigarette or two. The craving still lingers, I long for the smell of the smoke that shrouded me, placing me in my own little temporary world where I'm not messed up and I'm the "perfect child".

"Ash," I peruse nervously, gnawing the interior flesh of my cheek.

"Hmm?"

I hope, maybe Ashley can enlighten me about my so called father.

"What was my dad like?" I queried, a shaky breath escaping my mouth.

For a moment, there's silence as Ashley fades into a deep trance.

"Your father," He exhales, "Was someone who shouldn't be a father for what he did your mother."