The Kids Become Russian Spies

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 "Why don't you just give her the journals? Like the worse she could do is summons me and that would be hilarious."

It's a lazy Sunday morning. Audrey had an early shift at the Shack and wouldn't be home till 2 o'clock. Harry had joined the library's book club. They were currently reading 'The True Story of the Three Little Pigs' by Jon Scieszka but he claims that 'Where the Sidewalk Ends' by Shel Silverstein is a much better read.

"What about the gnomes?"

So that just left Bill and Dipper in the house, folding laundry on the floor of their closet.

"hmm....You got me there. Wait, no. she has Harry."

Dipper rolled his eyes. Harry would only be like two feet taller than the gnomes. He would probably comply with what the gnomes said. He was to easy going.

"He's five."

Bill rolled his eyes and threw a shirt at Dipper. A small smile on his face.

"He's five and a half!"

Dipper threw the shirt back. His smile grew bigger.

"He just got the hang of tying his own shoes!"

Bill gave that a full-hearted laugh. Okay, so Harry WAS five and a half.

"Let's cut to the chase. Why won't you give her the journals? She has the maturity and the brains. She knows some magic. She is partially magic. Let her venture out into the world or at least the forest by herself. She's sixteen. It's a bit of an asshole move to say she's not old enough. What are you so afraid of? You were twelve. We're the cool parents, remember?"

Bill stopped folding laundry to look up at Dipper just to have him stare back. He had fallen too quiet and had a very serious look on his face.

"I'm sorry Bill. I haven't lived over a million years where time becomes an illusion. I can't just detach myself from time. It goes by to fast for me. It feels like a moment ago you gave birth and now she's almost a legal adult,"

"Pine Tree, that's not what i-"

"So I'm sorry if I am the asshole of a parent. That I'm not the cool parent. One of us has to be down to earth parent sometimes. I can't always be carefree like you."

Dipper got up from sitting on the floor and started to exit the closet. Bill grabbed for his leg.

"Dipper!"

"Fuck off Bill. I can't emotionally detach myself as you can."

Dipper walked out of the closet leaving Bill behind on the floor with his mouth wide open in shock.

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Audrey walked straight into the kitchen when she got home. She grabbed a Pitt cola from the fridge.

"Can I have a one too?" Harry asked. He sat on a stool that matched the decor of the island countertop.

"No. I can't stand you as it is." Audrey grabbed a small cup from the shelf and poured some of her can into it. She sat next to Harry and handed him the cup.

"Thank you," he said as he took a sip.

"Okay, no funny business Harry. What the hell did you do? Dad & Pa are giving each other the stink eye and I'm gonna blame it on you and your poor judgment on The True Story of the Three Little Pigs. They can't even be in the same room together by the look of it."

Harry put his cup down and wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. Dipper would scold him for that if he were there.

"I have no idea why they're giving each other the stink eye. They looked fine before Pa dropped me off at the library. Dad picked me up and already looked sour. Pa greeted me at the door and dad left for his study. And Where the Sidewalk Ends is a much better book. I'm sorry you have a poor taste in books."

With that, Harry slid off the stool and left the kitchen with his cup in hand.

"Harry! Get over here I'm not done talking to you."

Harry walked back into the kitchen, dramatically dragging his feet with his head falling back.

"Try to find out what's going on and be more observant during dinner-"

"Like spies?" he said with wide eyes.

"yes. we'll-"

"Can we be Russian spies?"

"Harry!" She gave him a gentle shake.

"We'll be American spies then," he said with a deep sigh.

" Harry I don't care what kind of spy just be a spy. We'll compare notes before bed."

"I guess."

With that, they split up. 




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