In Her Eyes (A Whouffle Fanfiction)

Chapter 27- Not You, Never You

 The Doctor bowed his head, tears dripping down his nose and onto the blanket spread across the bed. Clara reached over to brush them away, only half understanding what was going on. She understood, what, just not how, but as she cupped his face in her hands the tears rolling over her knuckles with no signs of stopping she found that she didn't need to know the specifics. Her Doctor had killed her, yes, but it wasn't his fault, and she whispered it to him as she slid her arms around his waist to pull herself closer to him. He shook his head at her mournfully and pulled her up and on to his lap, burying his face in the crook of her neck with a sigh. 

"I'm so sorry," he choked into her skin, rocking her back and forth in his arms, "If I had...If we..."

"Ssh," she cooed, settling her palms up around his neck, stroking the back of his head soothingly, "It's not your fault, Doctor. It's Fenric; it's been Fenric all along, never you. You would never do this to me, Doctor."

She heard a piteous whine come from him as he clutched her tighter, hands balling her vest top into fists of fabric as he kissed her just below her ear on her jaw then pressed their wet cheeks together. She knew that he didn't believe her and she pulled back from him in his lap, tilting his face to look her in the eye. 

"Doctor, I forgive you." She breathed, eyes welling up with tears of her own at the state he was in, eyes red-rimmed, raw and grief stricken, and wasn't surprised when he pulled his face out of her hands and leant it in the alcove at her collar bone. His hands rounded her waist, fingers kneading the soft skin left exposed by her top riding up, and Clara had to bite her lip to keep from gripping his shoulders and sighing his name. As it was she just looped her arms around his neck and rested her chin atop his head, repeating over and over and over that she didn't hate him, it wasn't his fault, Fenric had manipulated him, it wasn't the Doctor that had killed her. She had been dead from the day Fenric kidnapped her, only a few weeks ago. 

"But it was me, Clara, " he said, biting back a sob, "I put that needle in your skin. I pushed that medicine into you. I killed you."

"No, you tried to save me. There's a difference. You did what you thought was right- I'll always remember that. And you did save me, for a while," she told him, stroking the nape of his neck as his sniffles gradually subsided, "I was dying, Doctor, and you brought me back to life. Who else could have done that?"

He murmured something, something that sounded like Fenric and Wolf, but she let it go for the moment, pursing her lips in thought at what it might mean. As she pondered, the Doctor eventually stopped crying and holding her so tightly, bringing his fingers to rest against her hips. Clara coughed lightly, and he moved them all the way up to her shoulder blades. 

"Sorry," he apologised, lifting his head from her collar to give her a sheepish smile.

"Don't worry about it," she told him-she hadn't really minded the action, she barely felt it- then questioned, "what time is it?" Her back was to her desk, so she couldn't see the display without turning around which, with her legs, would take a lot more maneuvering that she cared to do.  

"Eight O'clock," he told her, grimacing, "we have an hour and a half until your lot come round." He lifted her up off the bed and carried her through to the kitchen, sitting her on the counter. He stepped back but her legs slid out from under her and she nearly fell off the slippery surface, the Doctor only just managing to catch her and set her straight.

"Woah there," he said, holding her firmly by the shoulders to keep her on the counter. 

"Thanks." 

The Doctor reached up to the steel rail above their heads and selected a saucepan, settling it on the stove before placing a frying pan next to it. He leaned around Clara to reach the fridge, stacking a packet of bacon, a box of eggs, a tomato, some mushrooms and sausages on her lap before grabbing a tin of baked beans from the overhead cupboard just above her head.