Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Chapter 4

I sat on my bed hugging my knees as silent tears rolled down my cheeks. I couldn't quite believe what had happened.

I loved Dougie of course I did, but it just wasn't supposed to happen this way, we were going to get married first, but no me the pinochle of a good catholic daughter. I had just had sex, lost my virginity and why had it all felt so awkward after but so right in the moment.

Dougie looked so embarrassed as he left he never even looked at me.

I felt hurt, ashamed even, I can't even imagine what my mother would say if she knew.

I had to pull myself together it wasn't like id broken the law.

I eventually drifted off into a restless sleep, though I did feel a little better when I woke, I slumped down the stairs to get some breakfast reeling in shock when I saw Dougie sitting at the breakfast table with Harry. I recovered quickly not making eye contact I muttered hello grabbed a glass of water and retreated to my room. I just couldn't be around him I was so scared, what if he didn't want me anymore?

I met up with Rachael later that day I couldn't stop myself from telling her everything, I knew she wouldn't judge me, she held me while I cried told me everything would be fine.

When I had eventually calmed down we walked to the park and sat on the benches.

"How long has this been going on" Rachael questioned I could tell she was shocked by my confession. I couldn't blame her, I was pretty shocked myself.

"Just over a year, we haven't even spoke since ...he hasn't called or texted" I almost whimpered I was feeling really pathetic now.

"Wow over a year, give it time I think you both got a fright, I mean it's a big thing, I'm sure you'll work it out" Rachael smiled a big encouraging smile.

It made me want to smile too.

Rachael was wrong 4 weeks passed and no word was spoken between us, it hurt so much every time I seen him and he just acted like our relationship had never happened at all.

I was surviving I got on fine without him before, and I could do it again.

College had started which was good it helped me forget and gave me something else to focus on. I would pass my exams and move away, problem solved, I can totally do this.

"Chloe" I heard Harry shout my name breaking my train of thought.

"Yeah?" I answered as Harry stuck his head round my door.

"You ok? you've been quiet lately, you look a bit pale too" Harry frowned, bless him he genuinely looked concerned

"Yeah just lots of homework to get through" I said giving him my best effort of a smile.

he smiled back and sat down on my bed eyeing the 3 textbooks in front of me.

"Ah having trouble adjusting after a long summer off" he grinned mockingly.

"Ha just a little" I shrugged.

"Hey did you know Dougie has a girlfriend" Harry exclaimed, like a girl who had all the gossip.

My heart stopped and then sank, he had left me it was official.

"What?" A whisper left my mouth, I coughed quickly "really" I said with a lot more bravado than I felt.

"Yeah he's being very secretive but me and Danny think he's in love" Harry said with a chuckle "anyway I'll let you get back to your mountain of work" Harry said as he left my room.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

I practically had to drag myself out of bed the next morning I was exhausted, I could feel a cold coming on too. I was already running late, no time for breakfast I had to get to college.

I met Rachael at the gates who pointed out how awful I looked which obviously I was really grateful for.

"Honestly you look awful" she pouted feeling my forehead for a temperature.

"I'm getting a cold" I groaned as I steadied myself.

"You should of stayed in bed" Rachael sighed taking my bag so I didn't have to carry it.

"Tell me about it" I agreed.