You Were Beautiful by wishyourgirlfriend on tumblr
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Ping.
Without looking away from your computer screen, you reached over to pick up your phone. It was a text from one of your friends, a link to a tweet followed by a "..." Curious, you clicked on it, surprised to see it led to Dahyun's account.
The tweet was a picture of her and a girl with short hair, arms wrapped around each other and Dahyun's lips pressed against the girl's cheek. You didn't bother reading with the tweet said. Instead, you locked your phone and went back to what you were doing.
You were distracted, though, eyes moving from your computer screen to the blank screen of your phone. You kept telling yourself that it didn't matter, that you didn't care, but you did.
She was already dating again. The more this thought bounced around in your head, the more it hurt you. Sitting at your desk, you found yourself scrolling through her SNS, tears prickling in the corners of your eyes.
This was the same girl that you had been waiting for, the same girl that you had somehow convinced yourself would come back to you because she said "We just need time" with a look in her eyes that would have made you believe anything. This was the same girl that you had been holding onto even though in the back of your mind you had known long before that things were going to end.
You knew in the way that she started holding your hand less, texting you less. You knew in the way she looked at you and the way she talked. But, even in the days where things were going downhill, you still thought that if you stayed strong, if you kept holding on, it would get better. It was a constant battle of not knowing whether you should let each other go or pull each other closer.
She had been so pure and beautiful, smiling from ear to ear whenever you were together. Dahyun had gone out of her way to tell you that she loved you as much as she could. And the way she said your name was if she was the one who gave it to you, like the sound had no meaning until it came from her. Her kisses, the soft feel of her skin against yours, the way she had looked at you. All of it had been so beautiful. She was so beautiful.
In the first few days after you broke up, you had been expecting it to be a joke, for her to run up to you on that street corner where the two of you always met for dates and drag you wherever it was she wanted to go that day. Without meaning to, you often found yourself lingering in that spot, waiting and hoping.
Closing out of her SNS and wiping the tears from your face, you stared down at your phone for a while, going back and forth on what you wanted to do. After a few moments, you decided to commit, sending the text before you changed your mind again.
Let's meet up.
Neither of you had spoken a word since you sat down across from each other. There had been small "hi"s through uncomfortable smiles and the ordering of food that you each picked over slowly. This was the quietest you had seen Dahyun since the two of you met and it was strange for you. But you could understand. Part of you regretting calling her here, but it had been a late night spur of the moment decision that you honestly hadn't even expected her to agree to.
She looked good, which left you conflicted. You wanted to be happy that she was healthy and that, from what you had seen of her SNS, she was happy. But you also couldn't bring yourself to wish happiness towards someone who had, not that long ago, broke you heart.
"So, uh," Dahyun started, "What did you want to talk to me about?"
What had you even wanted? To start over? To be friends? To get back together? No. You didn't really want any of these. So what was it? Just some need for confirmation that, while you had been struggling with the breakup, she was doing fine? Just some want to see just how much better she was doing without you?
Thinking about it was starting to get you upset again. Seeing her again was a bad idea. Talking to her was a bad idea. Your response was a bad idea.
"Why did you do it?" you asked.
There had to be some reason, right? Some reason why "Let's take a break" had turned into "Let's break up." You deserved some sort of explanation, right? But you had taken her by surprise, causing Dahyun to choke a little on her sip of water.
She wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and cleared her throat. Dahyun was looking through you, not at you, avoiding the look in your eyes as best as she could.
"Because there was nothing I could do for you..." She said. "We were growing apart and it wouldn't have been fair to either of us to stay in a relationship that was going nowhere..."
"You didn't think we were going anywhere?"
She shook her head slowly and you let out a deep breath. Dahyun started to ask you if the reason you wanted to meet was because you had wanted to get back together, the sadness very apparent in her voice. This time, you shook your head, staring down at the table.
"I guess I just wanted to know for sure," you muttered. You tried to get your words together, tried to decide if you wanted to tell her exactly what was on your mind. "I had been struggling to let go of you, especially since our breakup was so vague...I wanted to hate you, but I don't...Not really."
Dahyun stared at you, speechless.
"It's not that I wanted to be together again. If that's not what you want, I won't ask that of you." You locked eyes with Dahyun and said, "I guess I just wanted to know if you remembered everything like I did."
The two of you talked a little longer before Dahyun told you that she had to leave. She excused herself from the table and started heading towards the door. She stopped halfway out, turning to face you and calling your name. There were the softest hints of a smile on her face.
"Just so you know, I do remember," she said. "Just like now, you were beautiful.
