spirit cold ➙ writings

just for now.

Just For Now!

SUMMARY; In which it is even more of a wasted Christmas if you share a mistletoe kiss with the wrong person.

PROMPT; N/A.

PAIRING(S); Caitlin Snow/Barry Allen.

TRIGGER WARNINGS; N/A.

NOTE(S); Set post-2x09 of The Flash, "Running to Stand Still." / Originally written December 3rd, 2017. Revised and republished October 17th, 2018.

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She wondered if this was becoming a new tradition.

Cisco, Jay, Wally, and Patty had already left, with Iris and Joe heading up to bed a few minutes after. There stood Barry, hovering by the stairway, staring blankly at the door as if he was still expecting someone else to walk in. Maybe his dad. Maybe Harry. Maybe no one, and she was reading too much into it.

Whichever it was, he didn't seem to notice her. The deja vu was so strong, it was nearly overwhelming. She cleared her throat before she could get lost in the memories. He snapped his head towards her, green eyes suddenly alert.  

Well, so much for not getting lost.

(You look like you need someone to talk to. I could stay awhile longer. If you want.

Yeah, I wouldn't mind that.

And he hadn't.)

"Cait, hey." Despite the awareness in Barry's eyes, his voice sounded dazed; absent. As if he was present, but not mentally. She felt a slight pang. He had been so distant since the Zoom drama began, flitting in and out of conversations. Too lost in all of the stress and worry he felt to focus on anything else.

Other than his girlfriend, that is.

(Again, she thought back to last Christmas, coloful lights sparkling as they lingered in Joe's living room once everyone else had vanished. She remembered what she said to him, the epitome of bluntness:

I'm happy she's happy, it's just . . .

You would prefer it if she was happy with you.

You know me too well, Dr. Snow.

She wondered if he knew her as well as she'd known him.)

"Lost in thought?" she guessed, taking a step closer. They were on separate sides of the room, which had been fine through the evening. It was fine when he was with Patty and she stuck by Jay's side. It was fine when there were distractions.

There were no distractions now. The tug to be closer to him was persistently present. As always.

It took him a second to register what she said. He chuckled, nodding once before ducking his head. It was a mannerism of his often displayed while embarrassed and-- she paid too much attention to him. "You could say that."

He wasn't smiling. His gaze kept darting to the front door expectantly, the faux happiness fading each time. She felt herself drain along with him, the realization finally hitting her: He was hoping for his dad to show up.

After all, it was the first Christmas they could have spent together since Reverse Flash murdered Nora. His dad was finally out of prison, and had moved practically the day after being released. Caitlin knew Henry's intentions were good, but she also knew they hurt Barry.