blackheart ➵ m. clifford

➵ three

➵ jett

I loved autumn.

Skinny jeans and jumpers, and fluffy beanies and my favourite pair of Vans. Long drives to nowhere listening to hour after hour of mix tape upon mix tape. Luke and Sam would sit in the front seats, Luke hopelessly attempting to find a service station while Sam babbled on about how it was getting far too cold for his liking.

But I loved it.

I would be curled up on the backseat with Sam's girlfriend - her name was Sam, too, Sam Two - and I was trying desperately to tune into her unnecessary rambling about The X Factor while I skimmed across page after page in my newest book. It was a dreadfully ironic and relatable story about a girl who was in love with a ghost. Michael wasn't a ghost, but he wasn't real, either.

Luke and I had spent more time together after our little trip to Vegas, we were maybe a little closer than before. I cleaned my room, and ever since, he's been making sure to come down at least once when he's around. We liked to watch stupid movies that made no sense - we'd had a fantastic time watching Sharknado - and sometimes he would lie on my bed and listen to music while I read. Sam wasn't the happiest person about our blossoming friendship, but he accepted that he couldn't really stop it. I was less lonely with Luke around.

Sam didn’t spend as much time at home now that he had a girlfriend, which I understood, and Luke had told me that if I was ever lonely that he was just a text away. In cases when Sam did leave and I wasn’t perfectly comfortable being on my own, Luke and I would do something stupid like try to eat noodles with chopsticks. I was fond of Luke. I think he was my best friend, besides Sam, but he's my brother so it doesn't really count.

Luke had made a habit of driving me to Vegas every Monday and Thursday, and he slumped down into one of the comfy blue chairs in the waiting room while I had my session, and gave me a warm hug when I emerged. I didn't speak much after my sessions with Dr. Vega, because my head would always be swarming with thoughts. Half the time, I didn't even know what I was thinking about, or why I was thinking it. Once, I had been so immersed in my thoughts about African safari animals that I'd spent the entire night researching different species of elephants. Dr. Vega seemed to evoke different thoughts, and by the next rendezvous we would have something to talk about - or something for me to talk about, something for him to make notes on.

"What's in your ears today, Stan?" Luke said in an amused tone, twirling one of my earphones between his fingers before he lifted it to his ear and perched it there. 

I watched him as he listened, his eyes darting back and forth over the platform, his eyebrows coming together in concentration and his lips parting. It was sunny today, and the stray light made his blue eyes shimmer, highlighting all the different shades of navy and turquoise. He cocked his head a little, his tongue peeking out to wet his lips as he turned to look at me.

"What is this?" He asked, his voice laced with curiosity.

"You'll find out when I give you my next mix." I smiled a little at him, and his eyes crinkled at the sides as his lips twitched up in a smile that mirrored mine.

Since Luke gave me that first mix, we'd been trading them back and forth on a nearly regular basis. I was curious as to what different music genres he listened to, and so far I was both even more perplexed and even impressed with some of his choices. He was more band-orientated than artist-influenced, whereas I was almost the opposite. 

"That reminds me." He started, rocking on his heels and averting his gaze towards the ground. "I think it was like two weeks ago, some guy came over to deliver some painting my mum ordered." He paused, finally looking down at me as I raised my eyesbrows in confusion. "He heard one of your mixes from downstairs, and he was asking me about it and all these things. So I, uh, I gave it to him." He said the last part really quickly, and then drew in a sharp breath as my face washed over with hurt.