blackheart ➵ m. clifford

➵ four

➵  michael

The second I saw her again, my heart collapsed in my chest. 

Hair as white as snow, and golden amber eyes that brimmed with unshed tears as she let the cardboard cup between her fingers descend to the concrete. I'd never seen someone shake so much, her fingers clenching and unclenching and the muscle beside her eye twitching. She looked so vulnerable and scared, and I just wanted to launch myself forward and pull her into my chest like I'd daydreamed about over and over again.

But it wasn't me that wrapped my arms around her, it was Luke. He was yelling and I think he sobbed, picking her up by the waist and almost throwing her onto the bonnet of his car. She was making weird sounds, like whimpers mixed with gurgles, and she had bubbles resting on her lips. It looked like she was drowning in her own saliva. Luke was tapping her cheek and pleading for her to open her eyes. She did, and when she did, she spent a good ten seconds looking all over his face before she rolled over the side of the car, clutching her stomach and her chest as if she was in pain.

My heartbeat was sporadic, and I could hear it in my ears, every rush of blood through my veins as Sam and I rounded the front of the vehicle, Sam's girlfriend with her phone pressed to her ear. I'd never seen something like it; it was like she was fighting with her own head. She was arguing with herself, mumbling my name and knotting her fingers in her hair as she pressed her knees to her ears. Her body was shaking as she tried to breathe, and Luke was on one knee in front of her, the other bent, and he rested his forehead on her shoulder as he muttered the words 'in' and 'out' over and over again, his arms looped around her body like he was her protector.

Her speech started to slur, and a stutter became evident as she battled with her lungs and yelled at her hands to stop fucking shaking. It was like she was having an out of body experience - she didn't realise she was saying anything. My throat started to close and my palms started to sweat, not knowing what I could possibly do to help the situation other than disappear. I couldn't bring myself to move away from her. I had spent three and a half months dreaming about her and painting pictures in my head and on canvas, I didn't want to let her slip through my fingers when she was right there to hold.

"L-Luke," She whispered, and I had to strain my ears to listen as she turned her head to look at me, her eyes red and her lower lip quivering. "You can s-see Michael."

It took less than three seconds for her to pass out, and then everything passed in what felt like a blur - like the entire world was in fast forward. Sam and Luke were yelling at each other and Luke was picking her up again, throwing me a confused glance as he rushed her towards the ambulance that swerved into the car park. I was contemplating turning away, just leaving, but hearing her gurgle my name as the paramedics lifted her onto a gurney tore me away from my thoughts.

"Michael, you need to come." Sam gripped my wrist, pulling me towards the ambulance, but not before giving his girlfriend a kiss on the cheek and whispering something in her ear. 

"I don't think this is any of my business." I whimpered, my feet padding against the concrete as I followed him.

"You're more of a part of this than anyone. I don't know how or why or what you have to do with it but your name is all she's saying so you need to come." He sounded like he was on the verge of tears, climbing up into the van and pulling me up with him. 

I could barely hear anything, just Luke and Sam talking to each other in speech that was far too quick for me to comprehend, and all I could see was Jett's fingers curling and uncurling like she was trying to grip something. Like it was my only instinct, my fingers twisted with hers, her nails digging into my palms as she gripped my skin with everything she had.