A Life Given Is Never A Life Lost

Chapter Five

Liam

Randy Hardon.

Randy Hardon.

Your name is Randy Hardon. 

I shake my head as I look in the mirror and curse myself for the hideous last name that I gave myself while talking to Miranda. At least it will be a decent conversation starter for what is sure to be a horrible night on my end. I fix the casual suit jacket that I have on and run my hand over my beard a few times. My eyes flicker down to the picture that I have of me propped up against the sink simply for this occasion. I examine the younger version of me who was somewhere in his early twenties. He's smiling with a clean shaven face and happiness bouncing around in his eyes. His hair much shorter and perfectly trimmed. 

Then I look back up at myself. 

It's interesting to see the transformation.

I mean I knew that I was hot before, but I'm much hotter now.

All joking aside though, I could easily mistake my younger self for a different person. I have a much rougher look to me than I did back then. I've grown my beard out much more and can't seem to wipe the look of grief off of my face that's dwelled there for years. I have a significant slouch now because my back hurts much more if I stand up straight. That second bullet that Parker put in me did much more damage than the first. 

Tonight is the night that I'm not-so-reunited with my friends and family. They won't know, but I'll know. Romano has gone over everything that I need to know extensively. I'm not doing anything more tonight than being the charming man that I once was ten years ago. 

His words, not mine. 

It's strange to think that I have to channel the same person that I once was in order to steal from the people that I love most. I wouldn't be doing this at all if not for the looming threat of danger that's not hanging over their heads. I didn't even really know who I was ten years ago, how am I supposed to figure that out now?

I turn around and walk out of the bathroom, internally freaking out but deciding to keep it externally at bay. If someone in here sees me panicking Romano might change his mind about letting me do this. I stop at the my desk and sit down, pulling out a notebook and a pencil to form a list of all of the things that I used to be.

Funny guy. That's the first thing that pops into my head when I think about my younger self. I was the idiot and the goofball that my friends grew to love over time. I was misunderstood. Anyone who didn't know me immediately hated me without really getting to know me. I complicated. I had a lot of toxic relationships and let those affect me too much. I was loved. Even though my family wasn't the best, my friends made up for that in the end. 

But most of all, I was happy back then. 

I was content with the life that I was living and the people who I had the chance to live it with. I remember feeling as though nothing would ever come in between me and these people because we always just seemed invincible. We were the 'it' group. Everyone knew each other so well and even though we had our hard times we usually all got through it together in the end.