"Through The Dark" A Louis Tomlinson's Fanfic by EB

Chapter 10: You'll never fall in love.

Louis POV:

            "This has to be the most dreading day of my life man" I say picking up half of the shit garbage society has decided to fucking throw all over the damn floor.

            "So what's up with your new lady Tomlinson?" Curtis starts to pick on.

            "Can we not even talk about that?" slightly annoyed he says "new lady" as if I had one every weekend like a new shiny toy.

            "Man is that bad already? Huh?"

            "No I don't know there's nothing going on" avoiding his gimmicks is like lying to your mum.

            "Are you trying to tell me she has been living in your flat for weeks now and nothing?" he stops and waves his hands in the air. I swear if he was a woman he would be dramatic gossiper kind.           

            "Dude Tomlinson come on you have more game than that!"

            "Curtis, you know I can't fall in love with her I am just bad news. I'm going to hurt her."

            "Is this all because of what happened with Meghan?"

            "Mate did you really have to bring her up! " I drop the things from my hand as I push Curtis until he hits the brick wall hitting his head.

            "Chill man. You know you have to let her go. Meghan is far gone and there is nothing you can do about that"  he pushes me back.

            I fucking have my hands grip on his orange jumper at his neck. I can feel the rage rushing through my veins and my eyes don't betray all the pain they hold inside of me. When I realize that tears that are falling from my eyes its only then I let go of my friend and fall on my knees.

            "Tomlinson that wasn't your fault. Everyone's has their time accounted for you were good to her. There was nothing more you could have done for her. It's not your fault she had a pulmonary embolism. You need to stop tearing yourself apart over it. Look at what is doing to you"

            " I could have notice the symptoms when she thought she was having a panic attack. Not only I should have stopped her from all the smoking, and the excessive partying when instead she should have been going to her chemo sessions for her cancer"  I rant.

            "Mate there's no way to know why things happen the way they do. Meghan knew her choices and she chose to live her life to the fullest with you."

            "No, I was selfish! I let her do this to herself. I let her be with me I was the choice I was the mistake she chose. I loved her I still love her" I break.

            "But now you're starting to love Ella too aren't you?" What?!I want to try to avoid his question but I know deep down I have been asking myself the same thing.

            "I feel like I would be betraying the woman I loved for another woman I'm falling in love with slowly" I bring both hands at my hair tugging it in desperation.

            " I know you wish you could turn around back time but I'm sure Meghan would have given you her blessing"  he pats me on the shoulder and for once in my life I feel like a weight has been lifted and I can feel hope inside of me yet so confused.

            I feel like sometimes I find myself looking up to Meghan for being such an amazing friend, girl, lover, companion, she was my everything. My whole world collided when she lied to me about her cancer and that she has stopped seeking treatment.Life after her I was lost, I started smoking illegal shit, and that one time I tried selling look where it got me fucking jail and community service. I lost all my sanity and dating well it was nonsense it was just night one stands here and there to numb the pain but it was never love.

I thought I would never start to feel again, and then I met Ella and since the moment I saw her I hated her because I wanted her. She had an attitude like Meghan but they are so different at the same time. Ella makes me lose myself of the pain and world I have been living in and I'm just trying to understand before I make another mistake.

I won't give up on her, Curtis is right knowing the way Meghan was she would have like for me to moved on.