Sweet Satisfaction (Purple UGC Winner 2014)

Sweet Satisfaction - Thirty-Five

Thirty-Five

We tried everything. We bought gift after gift and tried to talk to her. Mary threw it back in our faces, declaring money couldn’t buy her love.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Mother wept. I stared down at my lap.

“Me neither.”

*****

Jacqueline paid us a visit later that week; my wedding dress had arrived from her sister in Paris. I couldn’t believe how quickly the actual day had loomed up- was I actually going to be married?

Mother instructed Susanna to take me upstairs and check if any alterations were needed. Susanna carefully untied the lace on the packaging and manoeuvred the soft tissue to reveal…

“Oh my goodness.” My eyes were as wide as the buttons on my mantle as my lungs contracted, my hand pressed to my mouth which soon dropped down. Susanna’s reaction was the same as she lifted out the layers of silky cream ruffles, petticoats and lace, the fabric glittering in the sun. Susanna urged me to try the dress on, which had a high waist and neck, and long tight skirt, as was the fashion, with the upper half an intricate spider-web of lace.

“A perfect fit,” I breathed, staring in the mirror in silence. Susanna fished out a wide chiffon veil to be draped around my bonnet and tied under my chin for the automobile ride, a gauzy veil with delicate embroidery, a glittering circlet of pearls and soft white high heels from the bottom half of the package.

“Elsie, ma belle, mag-nif-i-cente! A lee-tle swan!” Jacqueline and Mother stood in the doorway, the latter’s arms outstretched, trembling. I looked at my neck subconsciously at my soon to be mother-in-law’s comment, a lump forming there. Mother walked forward and stroked my hair tentatively.

“My little Elsie, all grown up.” Her voice wobbled and I suddenly realised that this was it; at the end of this month I would be a married woman.

*****

A couple of days later, I sat cross-legged on my bed, staring at my calendar. A fortnight away, that was all, before I became Elsie Knowlbodye, the girl with the jealous little sister. How could I ever make it up to Mary?

“At least you won’t have to change your initials,” Susanna remarked suddenly, as if she had read my thoughts. I nodded, staring into nothing-ness; it was hard to contend with how quickly the wedding had sprung on me.

Susanna came and sat beside me, taking my hands, looking at me with eyes full of deep love and concern.

“What’s going on in your head, hmm?” She peered at me through the masses of my golden tangles. I shrugged my shoulders, lips pressed together so I could stop myself from crying incessantly. I shifted over and leant against her, her arms around me.

She was more than a personal maid or friend, she was as close as a sister; she had seen and experienced so many aspects of my life. She had been there every step I had taken and tripped on. I pushed away thoughts of the pendant she owned with the Kingston Crest on it.

“I love you, Susanna.”

“Love you too.”

We lay there for seemingly ages, the sun warming my cheeks, listening to the breeze gently swaying the sea. Birds cawed and automobiles and carriages rumbled by. I cleared my throat.

“What should I do? I love Bobby, but, but… I may have affections for John?”

“John!” Susanna sat upright, her warmth vanishing from around me. She looked confused, almost angry.

“I’ve known him for all my life and there was some sort of… spark when he kissed me, something that made my heart quicken.” I fiddled with the beaded sash around my dress. There were so many matters to contemplate in my head.

“I shall go and see Bobby.” Because when I saw him, my troubles could crawl back into my other life, the life where my Father was a murderer, my sister was a jealous vixen, her personal maid a devious… witch, my fiancé not quite right in the head and myself haunted by aeroplanes.

*****

Bobby was waiting for me on the beach. I stumbled across the pebbles, wind throwing a salty taste into my face. I gazed at the grey sea, which was bordered by a thick black wool, ready to shower. The weather had changed like my mood. How could I keep seeing Bobby when I was going to be married?

Bobby outstretched his hand and drew me close to him, intimately close.

“Bobby,” I whispered, “My sister Mary and her personal maid know about us.” He stiffened.

“So you are going to stop meeting me? Are you scared of them telling your parents, who would ban you from seeing me? But would you not fight for what we have together?” I pressed my lips together, refraining myself from crying again. I didn’t want to argue.

“I’m getting married in two weeks time.”

“Don’t say it, Elsie, do-”

“Sshh.” I pressed my finger against his lips, staring into his sorrowful eyes.

“I have to stand there and say ‘I do’ and lie to his face and lie on the word of the Bible.” I choked.

“So don’t say ‘I do’, don’t put John’s feelings before mine. Build a new life with me, Elsie, and together we can have the happy ever after we deserve…”