The Maid And The Suitor (Photographer Novella I )

XV

'You know the answer I have to give' runs through my mind as I walk away. After days of practicing how to ask her is now down the drain. Days of hope turning in utter despair. I shrug on my suit jacket, then fix my tie trying to create the perfect image. Yet feeling the tears hit my cheek break that image. Quickly wiping my tears hopelessly trying to paint a perfect picture that I've created for years. For years, I've never shed one bit of emotion, yet now it's all flowing. I walk inside without saying a word then up the stairs to my room. Just to my luck, I run into Griffin.

"Harper! My man!" Griffin smiles, yet his smile breaks when he sees me, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I say pushing pass him trying to get to my room as fast as possible.

" Then why does it look like you've been crying?"

"I wasn't crying just allergies, " I hiss closing my door, yet I hear Griffin shout.

"Feeling better!"

Once I've locked my door I step back until my back meets the door. I slide to the ground then rest my head on my knees. And I did something I haven't done in years. I cried. An uncontrollable cry. I cover my mouth trying to mute the noise. The moment she said no she might as well have put a knife through my heart. Yet the more she brought up the rules is was like she turned the knife in my heart . Knowing that we'll never be more than friends...is the worse thought. After weeks of my love growing has now to be denied. I cried for I don't how long, yet I could care less. Careless if I was late for something. Careless if I was missing a meeting. Carless if I missed a call. None of that mattered. All that mattered now was me. For years, I've pushed myself to the back burner for everyone else. So, that I could help everyone else. Instead helping, and focusing on myself. And for once I want to focus on myself. I stand up walking over to my bed then fall into it.

"To think last night I was hoping that her answer would be different. So much for hope," I say to myself laughing. I sit up taking off my suit jacket, then my tie throwing them on the floor. I then take off my shoes and socks. I push my hair out of my eyes realizing that I need a haircut. I crawl under the covers and fall into a hopeless sleep.

***

I wake up to someone knocking on my door, and saying my name. Yet I don't get up right away. I stare at the ceiling staring off into space.

"Mr.Jackson," Morgan shouts sounding quite concerned. I get up making my way over to my door then swing it open to see a worried Morgan, "Mr.Jackson I've been so worried. I haven't been able to find you all day."

"I alright," I nod looking at the ground.

"Are you sure? You look like you were run over by a bus?" Morgan raises an eyebrow clearly not believing me.

I smile remembering what happened hours ago, "I've had better days for sure. But what do you need?"

"Well, you missed lunch and Ms.Silva was handing out letters from families. Plus, since you weren't at dinner Ms.Silva decided to give this to me. So I could give it to you," She held out what has been in her hand this whole time. I look down at it realize from the writing its a letter from London.

I take the letter still looking at the ground, "Thank you, Morgan," I say as I close the door.

"Mr.Jackson?" Morgan's hand comes up against the door, and pushed the door stopping me from closing it, "Are you sure your okay?"

I think for a moment, "That I can't answer because I truly don't know."

"Is there any way I can help?" She asks hopefully.

"Sadly..."I trail off, "There isn't, but again thank you for your concern," I whisper closing the door once she removes her hand. I close my eyes for a moment. Trying to push down the pain. Walking to my desk taking a seat then I open London's letter. Which is dated to a week ago.

Harper,

How's the selection?! You looked great on the report! Jane and I could stop smiling the whole time when watching the report. Have you gone on any dates with the Princess? Who am I kidding of course you have. And how is June? Last weeks letter you wrote that June was sick. Is better feeling better? As much as would love to keep writing, but my shows commercial just ended. Love you!

Your favorite sister,

London

I tap my foot when reading the letter. Once my eyes come across June's name I can't help just grit my teeth. Trying to fight back my emotion, yet what's the point anymore. She already said no, and has already drawn the line. Part of me wants to continue to be friends, yet the other part of me doesn't. I'll never look at her the same. She'll always be the women I love, yet can't have because of foolish rules. I pull out a piece of paper, then grab a pen and begin writing.

London,

Right now the selection is... interesting. As you know my feelings for June, yet she says nothing could come of our relationship another than being friends. And I'm beginning to losing hope. As do I love you London.

Your brother,

Harper Randell Jackson

Right then I there I begin to let go. Letting go of what I had hoped to come, yet know will never come. Letting go of all the dreams I hoped for. All I can do know it push those aside, and move forward in my life. Just as June will do.