me, essentially

this chapter is not for bears

I know you clicked on this without really thinking, so please turn away, bear

You promised

I just need to vent and I don't want you to see this one

Please?

Sunflower

That means leave and come back to me, remember? 

Come take care of me and forget about this one

I love you, bear 

I'm assuming you've kept your promise, so

This is a vent about a person I care so fucking much about

They're my best friend

And I don't want them to see this but I need to write and I need somebody to know and they promised they wouldn't read it

I guess this is a test, too

I'm sorry

isn't it lowkey funny tht you said 'i don't ever wanna make you cry, baby' in a conversation about one person but that i cried over ten times on sunday because of youi doubled over in the shower and sobbed and fucking screamedand you talk about us and how jealous and protective you are and then you- you justdo thatand i know i'm not being fair but it still fucking sucksi do it all the timei'm a hypocrite for caring but i know you don't feel the same wayi know you don't give a fuck about me like that any morebut then you go and say you're confused about it after you've spent forever doting on this person who actually deserves you, because i don't, and i just want you to stoppleasei made a fucking plani wrote part of it outi was going to distance myselfbut i can'ti can't fucking stay away from you and it sucks so fucking much, i hate iti ruined itwhen we were a thing, i ruined itit was my fault100% my faulti know thatbuti tried to tell you that i'msorrythat i regret itthat i know i don't deserve you but i wnt to try again, please, it'll be better this time, i'm ready, we both are, i promise, please (i'm tearing up, 4th time on the monday i'm pre-writing this, wow)a month or so ago i tried to tell you and you didn't get ityou didn't understandyou still don'tit hurts and then it doesn't and i feel fucking nothingyou complain about that one person a lot and how they aren't good for me but i know they won't leavei think you will you're going to leave me eventuallyi can feel itand that fucking suckshere's the thingyou said that douche i left you for wasn't worth the tearsthey aren'tyou areyou're worth crying over

and i realized, like

when i saw it

i wrote thisfor myself"distance urself, talk less, less space, hide more, be less open, less calls, remember she feels empty when you're with her, remember you're really not her favorite person, remember you're not the first priority, stop guilting her, stop caring, think of all of the bad things you've done to her, leave her alone, let her leave, think aout how she doesn't understand what you meant by the recording, realize that she's never going to be interested in you like that again, you lost your chance, you fucking idiot, just leave her alone, it'll be better for everybody"that was part of theplanjustdistance myself until i stop caringbut that doesnt work nothing fucking does, because you're electric

You're everything

I can't do this

sorry

it's my fault, always has been, I know that

I've cried more over you than I ever did over them, because they don't deserve tears, you said so yourself

You do

I'm sorry