Two Faces

Sitting Back Is Like Quitting

Gilbert was pacing around the room again. It had been a whole day without any word from María. Well, that was a bit of an exaggeration. Arthur had been with her and explained everything that happened to the group. Still, Gilbert had yet to hear anything directly from her.

"Sit down, Gilbert." Arthur sighed. Pinching the bridge of his nose. "You're making me anxious."

"Can you blame him though?" Francis lashed out. "Mon petit Matthieu is somewhere out there, alone!"

"Dude, Mattie's tough. He can handle himself, and he's even tougher as Matt!" Alfred pat Francis' arm. Hoping to calm him.

"Precisely," Arthur nodded. "We would only have to worry about him ending up in jail, not about him getting mugged."

"Arthur!" The other three scolded.

"So not helping, dude!"

For the first time in a while, Gilbert felt annoyed as he watched the family bicker. He usually found the bickering entertaining. Suggesting Francis and Arthur "get a room" while nudging a laugh out of Matthew, who had been putting in great effort to keep it in. Usually. He huffed and sat across from them. "Will you two quit it? Mattie's who-knows-where and the only person we can confide in is a five-foot-four woman with anger issues. We can't even search for him properly with the police!"

The blonds sighed and sat down as well. "Fair point." Arthur finally let his frustration show. "Still, Matt would chase us away as soon as he saw us. Letting Maria do this on her own is our only shot."

Gilbert shook his head. "I'm sick of waiting. I need to go talk to her." He ignored the chorus of disagreement from his friends. Gilbert took his jacket and left.

It was too painful to just sit back whileMatthew was hurting. Especially after Matt pointed out the obvious damageGilbert had done.

~***~

"Gil? What a joke"

"Ten bucks says Gil ends up ruining Mattie."

"Fifteen that Mattie ends up just like him."

"Didn't he learn his lesson with Ivan?"

Gilbert had heard it all. Matthew seemed to be unaware of the whispering surrounding them. It was no secret that Gilbert had done his best to destroy himself a few years back. He had slept with any willing partner, and that included the notorious Ivan Braginsky. The psycho on campus. While they had been friends at one time, Gilbert had let the bad crowd he was involved with dictate his actions for too long. Destroying that friendship with unnecessary and relentless bullying. It had led to one of the most toxic and violent relationships he had ever found himself in. He would be more surprised if those hateful eyes ever looked at him in a friendly way again.

The idea that the same would happen with Matthew terrified him. Gilbert would never be able to live if Matthew's sweet smile was replaced with one of disgust.

"Gil?" Matthew had cocked his head to the side. His eyes showed how anxious he was feeling. Gilbert knew how hard it was to come out to someone. Especially if that someone was the object of your affection. He had failed many times before. A certain Austrian straight up mocking him for ever entertaining the idea that Gilbert was "on par" with him.

"Sorry, Mattie." Gilbert forced himself to laugh. "I like you too. You're a great kid."

Matthew bit his lip. "Not like that, Gil."

"Don't." He sighed. "I get it. Just, let's not say anymore, okay?" Not here. "C'mon. I'll take you home." Not now. "I'm sure Francy-pants is worried with how late it is. That guy sure dotes on you, huh?"

"Gil!" Matthew shot up to follow him. "Gil, I'm serious! I...I don't usually act on my emotions and—"

"Mattie, stop!" Gilbert finally turned to face him. "You don't know me. You're just confused 'cause we spend so much time together. You used to like María too, right?"

"That's different!"

"It's really not. Look, just, forget about this, okay? We can still be friends."

Matthew had been careful not to reveal his emotions that day. So much so that Gilbert had believed that smile when Matthew finally agreed. "Okay. Thanks Gil."

"Sure thing, Mattie. It'd be unawesome of me toturn away from my savior over something like this." He wrapped an arm aroundhis shoulders. The way he always had before.

~***~

"Fuck." Gilbert growled on his motorbike. He wanted to turn back time now. He knew he should have explained himself. Told Matthew that it really was Gilbert's fault they had to wait to try anything. Told him why Gilbert kept calling him his savior. Told him everything. Yet, he had chosen to remain silent. Too scared of Matthew's disappointment. He had done much worse.

Gilbert revved up his engine and began his wayto María's house. There had to be something he could do.