Unknown Factors (Book One)

Ch.39: After this I guarantee

  "Pops, you don't have to help." I looked at him as he was holding a towel and reaching for a plate.

  "You cooked." Buffy added as we stood next to each other at the sink. I was washing the dishes before handing them off to her for her to rinse them.

  "Oh, come on. I quite like to cook." Pops said while drying the plate. "Helping out makes me feel useful."

  "Wanna clean out the garage on Saturday? You could feel indispensable." Dawn asked while bringing more dishes to the sink.

  "Hmm. How tempting."

  "Dawn, if there are any plates in your room, let's have them before they get furry and we have to name them." Buffy looked over at her sister.

  "Hey, I was, like, five then." She stated before leaving the kitchen.

  "How is she doing?" Pops asked in a low voice. Buffy answered with a face. "And you two?"

  "I'm okay." I handed Buffy a cup.

  "Well, some minutes are harder than others." The Slayer rinsed it off and put it in the drying rack.

  "I'm so sorry." Pops leaned against the counter. "All I can say is it will get better."

  "It has to." Buffy turned off the water as I pulled the drain up in the sink. "We're holding up, though. You know, getting into a routine."

  "Good. Routine's good." Pops nodded. "In fact, I was thinking that we might return to our training schedule." There was a quiet pause as I dried my hands off on my pants.

  "I don't know." Buffy said. "I was, um, thinking about....maybe taking a break or something." The Slayer set down the towel she had onto the island and headed to the living room. "Just ease off for a while, not get into full slay mode." Pops and I followed her.

  "You were doing so well." Giles took off his glasses.

  "And-And you were great, helping me with everything." They sat on the couch while I sat on the coffee table. "I'm just starting to feel uneasy about stuff."

  "Stuff?" Pops questioned.

  "Training, slaying. All of it. I mean, uh, I can beat up the demons until the cows come home, and then I can beat up the cows. But I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me." Buffy said.

  "But you've mastered so much. I mean, your strength and resilience alone-"

  "Yeah." Buffy cut him off. "Strength, resilience. Those are all words for hardness. I'm starting to feel like being the Slayer is turning me into stone."

  "Turning you into stone?" I furrowed my brows. "Buffy-"

  "Just- Think about it." She stood up and took a few steps away from the couch. "I was never there for Riley, not like I was for Angel. I was terrible to Dawn."

  "At a time like this-" Pops began.

  "No."

  "You're bound to feel emotionally numb." He told her.

  "Before that." 'Buffy, no. You have a heart of gold like your mother.' I thought but didn't say it out loud. I didn't know how to. "Riley left because I was shut down. He's gone." Buffy paused. "And now my mom is gone. And I loved her more than anything, and....I don't know if she knew."

  "Oh, she knew." Pops and I said as he stood up and went to Buffy.

  "Always." He put a hand on her shoulder.