#Not_the_one_I_wanted (Jookyun)

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"Changkyun-ah~"

I could hear my own voice calling his name.
He was my best friend from high school days.
a friend which I trusted.I paired with and I trully loved.
he was protecting me even tho I was older.
I wasn't a good hyung.

I thought I knew everything about him.
But actually..I knew nothing.

He wasn't the chankyun I knew.
He wasn't the changkyun I wanted.
The chankyun I loved..

He just..wasn't.

**
everthing started from when I saw him fought.
He was kicking students from another school.
he was watching their blood While I was still thinking that he was still a kid and can't see violent.
I was just a fool.
He saw me when I was watching him.
he stood up as I tried to run away.
he..called my name..
"Jooheon hyung?"
was he enjoying to see me like that?
like I've been freaked out to see that monster in front of me?
he held my wrist.
"You're not..my changkyun."
I let my tears fall.
he wasn't even trying to explain himself.
I needed a reason.I needed to know where my changkyun was.
Sid he lied to me all this long?
"The real changkyun is in front of you hyung."
he leant closer and kissed me.
I didn't want that kiss.
my sob shut in his mouth.
I felt dizziness and then I saw nothing..

I..hated that kiss..

**
I was in his room as I opened my eyes.
I never felt bad about his room But now..I hated it too.
I hated to smell the cherry which was coming from his bed.
I had to escape.
I didn't know what might changkyun do,so I had to run away.
I stood up and opened the door of his room slowly.
I doubted if he could harm me.He had been telling me that he loved me so he wouldn't harm me.
But what if he did?
I looked into his room and I found his gun.
I smiled nervously and held his gun and left the room.
His house had never been that scary but it was now.
I was running as fast as I could.it seemed weird that no one was in his house.

He's behind you and will catch you if you stop.

I couldn't find the exit door.I was just running around myself.
"Jooheon Hyung."
I stopped as a familiar voice called my name.
With holding the gun up I turned around and pointed at him.
Changkyun didn't seem suprised.He was expecting that.
He knew that his hyung was a garbage?
did he know that his hyung would point his own gun at him?
He stepped forward and made me step back scared.
"D-Don't move!!I'll s-shoot!!"I said,trembling.
"You won't."He put his hand on my wrist and pinned my wrist to the wall which was behind me.
Did he know that I wouldn't?
I looked at my wrist that was stuck between his fingers.
but rather than my wrist his wrist caught my eyes.
There was a scar on his wrist.Did he cut his vein?
Was he suffering?
Why didn't I understood he was in pain?
he put his free hand behind my head and held me into a kiss.
I didn't fight.He wanted me to know.
I was stupid for not knowing his situation.
My fingers unclenched and the gun fall on the floor.
I was sorry for not knowing-
Maybe I knew!
I knew but I ignored.
I knew..
how bad could I be?
I was screaming inside..

**
"I was adopted when I was 6.My new dad was the boss of more than 10 big companies in seoul.I didn't have any mom and I guess that's why I reached here now."
Changkyun said while scretching his legs in front of him.
I was just listening to him with my knees in my embrace and my chin on my knees.
I was his friend about 6 years but I never noticed his life story.
I was so selfish and I understand it now.
"Don't you want to say anything hyung?"He looked at me.
I just shook my head and made him become quiet.
he didn't say anything anymore but I felt his hands were put on my shoulders and he leaned me to his chest.
"I wished you had something to tell me."he hummed and put his chin on the top of my head.
I bit my bottom lip as feeling how close we were.
I really had no idea what I had to say.
"I'm..sorry."I whispered.
"why?"
"for not knowing until now."I pouted and made him kiss my ear.
"No.I was keeping this secret so well."he smiled and made me..blush?
"I don't know if you still want to stay with me with my situation or not but I understand if you don't-"
I cut his words by kissing his neck.
his warm neck.
I judged him soon so I had to fix it.
I had to trust him and do whatever I wanted.
and what I wanted-

was loving him.

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