Coming of Age

23

Being granted days off from work to grieve her dead child, Margaret spent her days in Joelle's room. Reading journals, listening to mixtapes and looking at drawings. It was no doubt that her child was creative, she just wished that maybe she could've used that as an outlet instead of drugs. She had so many regrets, so many ill feelings. Her only wish was that she could've been a little more present to save her child.

There was one more thing on Joelle's closet that she hadn't gone through. A small decorated box, it was where the private things were. When she opened it, the first thing she noticed was the drugs. Several pills in different colors, small little sheets that looked like a stamp but was really Acid, and capsule mixed with God knows what. She couldn't worry about that now though. Secondly, she noticed a second journal, Joelle's diary.

The other things she had read were just poems and her inner thoughts, but this right here would give her a better understanding of why her child had the desire to leave the earth.

Just like the other journal's, nothing was dated, but she began to read.

Dear Diary,

What Aisha did to me really hurt my feelings, because I thought we were better than that. How could she continue to fuck him when she knew? I would never do that to her. I'd never do that to anybody.  Mercedes said that I'm letting a boy come between us, but I just feel like if she could do that there's no telling what else she'd do to me.

Dear Diary,

I feel so disgusting. I don't ever want to be touched again. Right now, my mind is at a standstill. I can't go to sleep without seeing him hovered over me, kissing sloppily on my neck and fucking me although I cried for him to stop. It hurt. Even trying to imagine it being someone else didn't work. I hate him for doing that to me. I want him dead.

Dear Diary,

I lost my virginity today. On purpose. Raven took her time with me. I felt loved and appreciated. I love how she feels. I love how she kisses me, I Just love her. I know she loves me too, but i don't think we'd ever get the chance to be happy. Nothing is ever happy in my world. All happiness is snatched away from me as quick as I found it and I don't want that with Raven. Sometimes I feel like I'm cursed. I'm all bad.

Dear Diary,

Today Monte and I had sex. I thought it'd be weird because he's so much older than me, but it was actually quite interesting. It didn't hurt, there was a moment where it was a little too much, but it didn't hurt. Although it didn't hurt, I didn't feel that same fire I felt with Raven. We could do it again though.

Margaret got to a point where she had to stop reading, it was hard to paint a picture of her daughter doing these things she wrote about. It was like she was two different people. Joelle was the sweet, smart, talented and beautiful girl she remembered raising. Then there was JoJo, the bold, sex-crazed, drug oriented, wild and distraught girl that she didn't know. It hurt Margaret to the core knowing her absence destroyed her daughter this way.

She took a break from the journal and put it to the side. She came across a tape that was in an envelope. It was obviously something if she had it hidden. Margaret took the tape out of Joelle's Walkman and replaced it with the one she found. When she pressed play her daughters voice graced her ears.

"Hi, it's JoJo. You knew that though. I used to hate it when called me that, but I won't lie it kind of grew on me. Anyway..(she giggled) this is about something else. You know it's kind of hard for me to talk about my feelings, so I figured I tell you in a different way. This is a special mixtape just for you. You've been begging for me to make you a tape and I never got around to it. So here you go."

After Joelle's voice stopped playing a song began.

If I should stay I would only be in your way. So I'll go, but I know I'll think of you every step of the way.

The sound of the music brought tears to her eyes. It made her happy that her daughter didn't spend her last days alone. It always made her happy that Joelle got a chance at love. Somebody loved her and she loved them back.

Margaret stopped the tape, rewind it and ejected it. She then got off of the floor and prepared herself to go next door.

She walked up to their door and knocked until Sharon, Raven's mother opened it.

"You here to hurt my baby's feelings again?"Sharon raised an eyebrow,

"No." Margaret sighed. "I'm actually here to apologize. I have something to give her."

Sharon and Margaret exchanged dirty looks for a minute before she let her in. "You can sit down on the couch. I'll go get her."

Margaret sat down on the couch as she was told while Sharon pulled Raven from upstairs. She walked down looking as she had been to hell and back. Her usual long straight hair was in a low ponytail. Her eyes were red and she had bags that could carry groceries for a family of ten.

Raven sat next to Margaret with her arms crossed. She wasn't really interested in whatever it was she had to say.

Margaret took a deep breath, before speaking. "I know I'm probably the last person you want to see after how I spoke to you the other day."

"Right."Raven wiped her face.

"Well first off I'd like to apologize to you. I mean that in the most sincere way. From all the things I recovered in the past two days, I've learned that you were probably the only person who tried to help my child. If she wanted to live for something it'd be you. Joelle really Loved you and I'm glad you gave her the chance to experience that because she wasn't getting it from me."She started to tear up. "I failed Joelle as a mother and you picked up my slack by unconditionally loving my child and trying to save her."

Raven reached out and pulled her into a hug. "It's okay. Don't beat yourself up, because at the end of the day you did what you did so that Joelle could have the things she needs. If you were a bad mother you wouldn't care about her having what she needed."

They pulled back from each other and Margaret wiped her face. "She made this for you."She handed her a tape.

Excited, Raven took the tape and started to walk away.

"One more thing before I go."Margaret stopped her. "I need your help. I wanna take down everybody that hurt my child. I know I couldn't do right by her while she was alive, but I'll be damned if I let these mothafuckas' get away with it."

"I'll help you. I want everyone starting with MJ."Raven clenched her jaws.

"I need you to tell me everything. No matter how much it'll break my heart. Tell me everything."

Raven began to speak, going down the line. She gave her a pretty deep synopsis of everything that had happened to Joelle that she was sure her mother didn't know about.

It was time that she got some peace.