best friend | zdj

four

"zabdiel, i need you to come over asap." i mumbled into the phone as i tried to slide my key into the lock and walk into my house.

"weren't you coming over today?"

i stopped in my tracks. "right... i forgot. i'm sorry, i just had the worst day. actually no, tomorrow it'll be worse."

he chuckled. "i'm almost home, what happened?"

i shook my head, but then i realized he couldn't see me. "don't worry about it, i'll tell you everything when you get home. bye now!"

once i was inside my house i locked the door behind me and raced to my room. knowing zabdiel's 'im almost home' meant that he's probably walking out of his class now, which gives me around an hour to cry to myself before i go over to his so i can tell him the whole story about the letters and then cry some more.

i pulled my laptop out and checked my emails. i received an email about erick's email address not being valid and i sighed so hard. thank god, that was one guy (and possibly a jealous girlfriend) less to deal with.

i looked at my sent emails and saw the four letters sent to each guy. i pushed my laptop away and pulled my legs up to my chest. it's not possible. i would've noticed if i sent them by accident. i never leave my laptop unattended. was it a fucking ghost?

i buried my hands in my hair. this isn't happening. my chest felt like it was contracting around my lungs. it hurt to breathe. i tugged at my hair, wanting to ease the pain in my chest.

"hey, anna. i didn't hear you arrive." isabelle said from the door. i looked up at her, but the tears blurred my vision. "what's wrong, baby?"

she walked up to my bed, but i crawled away. i needed to be alone. i had to control myself before i had a panic attack. i shook my head, refusing to answer the questions she was throwing at me.

"i'll be right back, okay?" i didn't respond, but she stood up and walked out of my room nonetheless.

i closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. i repeated the process until i felt my breathing go back to normal and my chest didn't hurt anymore. my heart was still racing, but at least i didn't have a full on panic attack. i stared at my laptop, hoping the emails would magically disappear.

i tucked my head between my knees and wrapped my arms around my legs. i wish a hole would open up on the ground right now and swallow me.

i felt a pair of arms around me. i started panicking until i heard zabdiel's soft voice. "it's me, belle. it's okay, you're okay."

i shook my head. "my life is ruined." i whined.

"what happened?"

i took sighed and began telling him about the letters, leaving out who exactly were they about. he listened to me intently as i tried not to start crying again.

"at least he was nice about it, y'know? i thought he would humiliate me in front of the entire school..." i frowned. "oh no, oh fuck. one of the letters were to a really popular guy that will fucking ruin me. can i skip high school and get right into college with you?"

he chuckled. "i don't think that's how it works, belle. who are they anyway? i probably know them."

"i doubt you do." i bit my lip. "it's erick, christopher, and richard."

he nodded. "i'm assuming erick is from your weird people camp, christopher was really nice to you and richard is the popular guy?" he hummed. "something isn't adding up. aren't there four letters?"

i winced. "uh... yes."

"who is it?" he pulled away completely from me so he could look at me. "do i know him?"

"you know him... very well." i began, not knowing how to say it. his dimpled smile made me forget what was i even saying. "uh... it's–" i cleared my throat as i forced myself to look away. "it's joel."

his smile dropped. "my brother? he's dating your sister."

i hid my face in my hands. "thanks for stating the obvious, zab. i wrote it before they started dating, of course if he reads it he's probably not gonna know." i dropped face first onto my bed. "my sister is going to hate me."

"wait– your sister doesn't know about the letters?"

i shook my head. "nobody knows, only me."

he started rubbing my back. "it's okay, belle. talk to them before they jump to any conclusions, okay? i don't think the rest will be as nice as christopher was."

i sighed. he was right. tomorrow first thing in the morning i had to talk to richard and joel, before any of them can humiliate me.