Treading (Jordan Knight/NKOTB Fanfic)

Two

-JORDAN-

The feeling of the roughened edge of the nylon strap on my duffle bag digging into my shoulder snatched me to reality as I realized that I'd just about fallen asleep after listening to my brother drone on and on about the 'policies and procedures' of Handy Help Homebuilders for over two hours.

I'd barely drifted into a restless sleep after a long day of dealing with my siblings unrelenting concerns when my phone had obnoxiously rang at 5AM with a call from my mother to "remind" me to meet Jon by 6. She'd told me that she believed me that I was okay and that she'd only called for the intervention because she wanted me to get out of Boston for a while and find my purpose again, but I knew she was lying. She thought I was spiraling and so did the rest of my siblings. This was just their way of monitoring me because they didn't trust me on my own.

If I was being honest, I knew I was spiraling too. I was a far cry from the man that had been planning out the rest of his life just a year before and I could understand why the people around me missed him. I missed him too sometimes, but most of the time I was too drunk to remember him or to care what happened to him and I liked it best that way. It kept my pain and longing at a manageable level, which was a feat for me.

My natural threshold for pain had always been low. I'd gotten teased plenty of times as a kid for getting emotional or crying over the simplest things. It broke my heart to see someone else hurting and the empathic side of me shone through even when I didn't want it to. My mom had always claimed that it was because I was sensitive and that it was something to be proud of—a strength of mine. But it wasn't. It was a weakness and it was the reason why one glimpse into her teary eyes had been enough to convince me to go on this damn trip.

I couldn't stand to see her hurting, even if it meant denying my own desires just to soothe her mind.

I let out a deep sigh as I readjusted my duffle bag, but the friction of the ancient strap continued to wear at the thin material of my old ratty t-shirt and bite into the flesh of my shoulder. It created a dull ache that needled at me along with all of the other suffocating emotions that rattled inside my head when I let myself stay sober too long.

For a second, I seriously considered turning and bolting to my favorite bar while Jon was preoccupied, but one glimpse at the maze of supplies piles that blocked the back doors of the storage facility suggested that I wouldn't make it out undetected. The last thing I wanted was to draw the attention of one of the overly-peppy volunteers who seemed to soak in my brother's every word like a sponge.

Upon my arrival, I had been surprised to discover that he was one of the leaders of the cheesy-named 'Handy Help Homebuilders' aid group. I had been under the impression that Jon's knowledge of construction and architecture was only on a hobby basis, but it was clear that he had the utmost respect of everyone in the room. Some of them were so overtly eager about their excitement to work with him on this project that I half-wondered if we were going to dig for gold.

The name of the group persuaded me to think that we were going to be building houses for an underserved area, but Jon hadn't been all that specific about what we were doing or where we were going. Or maybe he had and I wasn't listening. Either way, I just wanted it to be over with so that I could assure my family that I'd kept my end of the bargain and they could leave me alone.

"Alright, so I think that covers everything. If you come up with any other questions, just let me know. In the meantime, come get your toolbox and folder and line up outside so we can hit the road!" Jon's voice echoed through the massive space.

I forced myself to trudge out of the shadows and follow his instructions to get in line, but I purposely avoided making eye contact with the other peppy workers as I hung at the back and pretended to be overly interested in the chipped off-white paint that covered the walls.