The Four Baristas: Double Shot

Chapter 1

"Welcome back to the Pan Galactic Network's studio headquarters, here on beautiful Quellzar, the sunniest planet of the delightful Denebian system. I'm Lullna Zerpnuff and you're watching The Galaxy Today.

"Next on the show, we're joined by our dashing war-correspondent, Strarl Fabulon, coming to us live via hyper-sat, from the Rigel system. Strarl, what's the latest on the civil war that has been raging out there over these past few weeks?"

"Greetings, viewers. Well, Lullna, the latest news is that the war is raging no more.  Just hours ago, the official government forces surrendered to coup-leaders Admiral Xarnax Splurmfeen and General Kral Vanar, making them the undisputed masters of Rigel, not to mention its sprawling empire of conquered planets.  Truly a momentous day in galactic history, Lullna."

"Indeed, Strarl. When, just a few short weeks ago, Rigel sent Splurmfeen to begin what appeared to be a routine invasion of the planet Earth, who among us could have foreseen the galaxy-shaking course of events to follow?  First, the rise of super-powered Earthling heroes, Rigel thwarted, Earth almost destroyed, Splurmfeen disgraced and assassinated and Earth welcomed into the Galactic Conglomerate. And then, perhaps even more astonishingly, Splurmfeen resurrected and allied with Vanar and his Ice Warriors in their lightning strike at the Rigellian homeworld, which now finds itself conquered by the formerly disgraced and dead, yet somehow triumphant admiral.  Momentous hardly covers it."

"And dangerous, Lullna. Let's not forget the risks inherent in covering such a perilous campaign.  Heedless of the imminent danger of death, regardless of the ever-present prospect of permanent incapacitation, uncaring about the utter unavailability of even the most basic of skin-care products, PGN—by which I mean me, of course—has brought our viewers up close and personal coverage of this brutal campaign. Dodging explosions, narrowly escaping disintegration, forgoing exfoliation, barely avoiding—"

"Yes, Strarl, dangerous indeed. How lucky then that we have our number one robo-journalist on the spot to face those dangers."

"Yes, it's been...wait, what? No, I mean...hang on—did you say robo-journalist?"

"Of course, Strarl."

"Surely you don't mean...?"

"Indeed I do, Strarl. Sparing no expense, PGN has scrunched the galaxy's favourite news-bot, SCOOP7, to the Rigel system to cover the campaign's climax.  Isn't it thrilling?"

"Thrilling? Thrilling? It's...I'm...he's...why, that—"

"It's not like you to be lost for words, Strarl, but I can quite understand your excitement. Our hyper-sat link to Scoopy will be open in just a moment."

"But—"

"Ah, here he is now—bye, Strarl. And, hello Scoopy."

"Hi there, Lullna.  Hello, viewers. I have exciting news. Scoop by name and scoop by nature, I've trumped that meatsack Fabulon yet again."

"Whatever do you mean, Scoopy?"

"Well, Lullna, unwavering in my dedication to PGN's viewers, tireless in my pursuit of news from the cutting-edge, trusting in the integrity of my upgraded armour-plating, I've been trying to secure an interview with the victorious Admiral Xarnax Splurmfeen. To discover his intentions, now that he has taken charge of the most warlike and well-armed civilisation the galaxy has ever known. And, just a few minutes ago, I tracked the admiral down, deep in the heart of the captured Rigellian High Palace."

"Oh, how exciting, Scoopy. And has he agreed to an interview?"

"Well, he was a little reluctant at first, Lullna, as you can probably tell from the scorch-marks on my left drive unit. However, both my armour and my negotiating skills were up to the task, and while the admiral hasn't exactly agreed to an interview, he has consented to give a statement, exclusive to PGN.  He'll be joining us any moment."