Safety Pin

Hurt

[TW: violence]

„You need to stop doing this. You're seriously damaging your hand and it gets worse from time to time.", I hear Ashton's grumpy voice through the door, he is talking to Michael.
But what does he mean? Damaging his hand? Worse from time to time?
"I did stop.", is the only thing I can hear from Michael, he seems to be saying something else, but too quiet for me to get.
"You said Haley helps you to get over it. She's here now, where's the problem?", Ashton is talking again. Why is this about me now?
"Michael, if you don't stop before the next leg of the tour starts, you'll need to get serious help. You can't play properly with your fucked up hands, get over this bullshit. We even managed to get her this job, now it's your turn to get your shit together."
"Then tell her!", sudden silence hits the room. I can barely breathe, what the fuck is going on in there?

I step back against the wall and hold my breath, as Ash suddenly rushes out of the room, slamming the door open, it hits the back wall.
Still he sends me a warm smile as he realizes me standing in the hallway: "Looking for Mikey?"
Ashton and I still haven't really connected during the two weeks I've spent in Australia so far. But he never ever treated me as if he didn't want me around or in an unfriendly way. It just didn't really happen that we had a proper conversation or something. Maybe now's the time, cause I really wanna find out what's up with Michael. Or should I ask him directly instead of talking to Ashton first?
"He's in there. He hurt his hand again, maybe you can bandage him.", he sighs, shakes his head to himself and leaves, waving with a smirk on his face.

I want to enter the room, where Michael is sitting on the sofa holding his hand, shadows of hurt on his face. In the middle of stepping inside I change my plans and hurry after Ashton, reaching him at the front door: "Ashton?", I gasp out of breath.
He turns around confused: "Huh?", then he turns around, sees me and stops walking, "ah hey Haley."
"Do you have a minute for me?", I sigh.
He leans against the door frame: "Sure, what's up?", his gaze resting on me, his eyes staring in a friendly but interested way. He's not sure what to think or expect right now.
"Because of Michael...", I start, tripping von one foot to the other, "Can you tell me what happened there?"
He sighs, looking at the ceiling now: "Don't you think you should be talking to him about it?"
"I know. But I'm not sure if he will open up about it. I didn't know he's doing any damage to his hand.", thinking of Michael hurting himself on purpose physically pains me.
"Oh Haley... I don't know.", he scratches his sculp, looking really torn.
"If I don't know about it, I won't be able to help him though.", I beg, pouting, which causes laughter by Ashton.
"Okay, let's sit down somewhere."
"Do you think Michael needs instant help?", I stop him another time.
He shrugs his shoulders: "No idea. But it's not the first time where it takes a while until he gets a bandage. Don't worry, it didn't look too bad."
I nod and follow him outside. We find a bench in the backyard, a fresh breeze is calming my head and giving me slight shivers. Ashton seems to recognize it and hands me his sweater, that he was carrying around loosely in his hand so far.
"Thanks.", I mumble and put it on. His scent reaching my nose asap and what am I supposed to say, he doesn't smell bad. Still it doesn't have the same effect on me as Michael's sweaters – they calm me down instantly whenever I put them on, doesn't matter which situation I'm in. They're my safety space.

"What DID Michael tell you about his past?", Ashton frowns and picks up a stick from the ground, fiddling with it, ripping pieces off just to throw them into nirvana.
"He told me he's been suffering from insomnia before we met. And that lack of sleep had negative impacts on him...", I think back to the very first night we spent together and how he didn't want to sleep alone. How he turned to a sweaty, heavy breathing mess after I'd left the bed, facing terrible nightmares: "He said he's having bad nightmares and some nights he doesn't sleep at all. The less he sleeps, the worse his mental state gets?"