Political Science 101

Chapter Seventy-One

AS AMBER sat across from Ray in an office-like room at the lavish suburban St. Louis house of Lenore Sable. They faced one another, wondering what the other was thinking, waiting patiently for the other to speak, reading each facial expression and bodily movement, trying to decipher expressionless codes that weren't there.

Their knees were sufficiently separated.

"I'm still a little unclear on how Lenore got in touch with you," Ray said, trying to delicately break the silence.

"Well," Amber replied hesitantly, "I called and left a message at your Washington DC office." She paused and looked around nervously. "I just wanted to talk, I guess, about what happened with us."

The two of them sat momentarily silent and motionless, contemplating the words, what happened with us.

"Okay?" Ray said, hoping there was more to her story than this.

"Well," Amber continued, "when you didn't call back, I figured you were just upset, and I totally understood. I feel so guilty because I feel like I ended your marriage. That was one of the things I wanted to talk about.

"You didn't—"

"But they," Amber said, politely interrupting, "this woman called me and said you were super busy and had a full schedule and blah, blah, blah, but that she'd let me know when you were available."

Ray gave her a puzzled look. "Okay?" he said again. This was all news to him.

"So then," she went on, "the lady called me in the middle of the night and said you'd be flying in this morning and this would be my only chance to have a sit-down with you, so I got out of bed, showered, and she picked me up." Amber paused. The situation was getting uncomfortable.

"Well," Ray said, taking a breath, "it really is good to see you." They both smiled uncomfortably. "There are some things I have been wanting to tell you for a long time."

"Me too," Amber added.

"Me first," Ray interjected.

"Okay," she said with a soft and sweet grin. "Go ahead."

And just like that, Ray had the floor. There were so many words which wandered through his mind, so many things he would have wanted to say in this unlikely event that this exact moment occurred. And now that it was staring him in the face, he took the deepest breath of his life and was determined to not let this moment pass him by. He needed this moment and this moment needed him.

He began his soliloquy — he'd always wanted the chance to tell her this, but was never given the opportunity.

"I need you to know," he said with sincerity, "how truly sorry I am for what happened between us. It was my fault — all my fault — and honestly, what hurts me the most is how much I hurt you and how much I let you down. I let you down in the worst way, and I would give anything to take it back. You came to me for leadership, mentorship, advice, support — and all I could do was ruin everything. I realize now that I took advantage of the fact that you looked up to me, and I hate myself for that."

He paused, collecting himself in his mind.

She said nothing.

"It's just that," he continued, "I've struggled a lot — personally — and I still do. My biggest mistake was simply seeing you as any other woman — a peer — instead of someone who looked to me for guidance and learning. I took advantage of you, and I didn't even realize what I was doing until it was too late — and that is my fault." He paused, feeling his eyes well-up. "I am so sorry for what I did. I let you down. I betrayed your trust, and I know I hurt you. I just ... I could never expect your forgiveness. I wouldn't even ask you to forgive me. I guess ... all I want ... all I've ever wanted was for you to know how terrible I feel about this, and how much this has genuinely impacted me as a person — so that you don't think I am some callous villain who preyed upon you and used you."