Goodbye, Evan

10

  Finding out I couldn't leave was a shock. It took me a few days to come to terms with it: the fact that I really was dead, gone and buried forever. The first thing I did was scream, I think. Or try, at least; when I don't have to save a soul, my mouth won't even open. And then I tried to go home.

My mother needed me - she'd already lost my baby brother or sister and I didn't know whether she could stand another blow. (I should've fought harder for her sake. I gave up.) But when I tried to follow the kids out of school, tried to follow those I called friends back to the safety of their homes and houses, I was stuck.

Whoever had kept me trapped in my own version of hell (God? Something else? I don't think I'll ever know) wouldn't let me leave, wouldn't let me go home. I was able to leave since when the kids needed me to.

Still, I couldn't go to my home, couldn't see if my mother had broken down and my father had turned back to heavy drinking, I couldn't see if my friends mourned me or just found somebody else to play my position at football. I couldn't get within a mile of my home or of anybody who mattered to me.

And my soul never truly left the school. Even when I'm away, I can feel the place where I died mocking me, calling me back. Calling me home.

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The woman calls us back off the roof at dusk, saying the shopping center is closing.

Theo blinks at the sound of her voice, confused like he's just emerged from the depths of the ocean. Now, as he rubs his eyes like a little boy going to bed while the door closes behind us, I feel like I intruded on something private just by being there. But as we head back down the stairs, he gives me a smile and thanks me.

"For what?" I ask as we start on the final flight, my hand on the metal railing (I'll never pass up the chance to touch things) and his in his pockets.

"For being with me," he says simply. "I haven't gone sunset-hunting in ages. Since Mum..." he breaks off and clears his throat.

"Yeah. So it was nice to share that with someone again." He looks at me then, a little nervously. I smile at him and he smiles back with those adorable gap teeth. "It was nice to share anything with anyone. I haven't for a while." Theo frowns in sympathy and I look away quickly, wishing I hadn't said anything.

As we head towards the main doors, I spot a bright blue and purple piece of paper lying, abandoned, on the ground. As I stoop to pick it up, the title Wednesday Art Workshop and an image of a paintbrush capture my attention.

It's here at the mall tomorrow according to the leaflet. Grinning, I shove the piece of paper into my (Theo's) trouser pocket and run to catch up with him. He stands by the double doors, waiting for me and looking confused. "Just looking at something," I offer as an explanation. Theo shrugs and we head off at a quick walk to catch the last bus.

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Back at Theo's house, we watch The Princess Bride on his colossal TV, another one of his apparent favorites. When Theo pauses the movie halfway to ask if I want another hot chocolate and I say yes, he takes my empty mug with a smirk, saying "As you wish," over his shoulder as he walks into the kitchen.

I can hear him chatting to Georgia as she, presumably, makes him two more mugs. (She hasn't said anything about me staying over for the second night in a row - guess I really am that invisible.)

When Theo returns he's also holding a punnet of strawberries, which he dips into his drink and sucks on quietly while he watches the screen. It's work to keep my eyes on the movie (again) (even more this time) and I eventually find myself mimicking him.