Cherry Tension

🌹3: Faith 💔

Dear Hani,

Wanna know something?....
I went back there.

It had been a while so I just decided to for fun.

It was just as amazing as I remember it to be.

It was a special place for both you and me.

Mainly for you but I appreciate it a lot more now.

Remember the first time we went together?

I do. It was May 18, 2007.

It's been exactly 11 years since then.

Wow. Time goes by SO fucking fast.

Sadly....

Well anyways, I remember you came running to my house that day bc it was nearby yours.

You were crying. I never told you this but.. it broke my heart severely to see you in tears.

My heart still aches from remembering that terrible memory.

You ran to me quickly and hugged me really tightly.

It felt great. It was the first time we made physical contact really.

I felt like you were opening up to me because all we ever did before that was just talk in school.

I never talked to you a lot even though you've caught me staring a lot at you.

You were my sisters best friend, and I was your best friends brother.

I knew that was all that you wanted it to be but I wanted more.

Never got it but I made so many memories with you that anybody would beg to have.

So, as I was saying, you hugged me and cried into my shoulder for at least five minutes.

It felt like five hours though.
I'm not complaining either.

After the five minutes, you let me go and apologized several times.

   I told you to stop apologizing and just explain everything.

   Obviously I mentioned only if you were comfortable with telling me.

    And you were. I was so glad to hear that.

   I took you inside my house and we sat on my bed.

   We were silent for about a couple of minutes until I spoke up.

   I asked you if you wanted me to walk you home because it didn't seem as if you were going to open up to me and tell me why you you were hurting.

   You interrupted me saying that you didn't want to go back.

   I don't know what came up in my mind but I just remember immediately hugging you.

   I inhaled your smell and like I assumed you would, you smelled like cherries and mint.

    Your iconic bottle. Your favorite perfume.

    I let you go awkwardly and you didn't hesitate to tell me everything afterwards.

   Your mother had gotten upset at you for being disrespectful to your teacher at school so she grabbed a handful of your perfumes and threw them right at you.

      And they all broke.

    I didn't know because you had a long sleeve shirt and jeans but you had bruises all over your body.

    You showed me them hours later.

    You didn't care about your injuries but about your unique perfumes....

    You probably don't know this because I never mentioned this to you but do you remember when I went to the bathroom right after you showed me what your mom had done to you previously?

   Well, I just made up an excuse to not get emotional right in front of you.

   I cried in the bathroom. No. I sobbed. I sobbed my whole soul out in there.

    It felt great to let it out. But it also felt like death.

    I'm not one to show my emotions and neither are you but we strangely did to each other.

   I came back to my bedroom to see you asleep in my bed.

   A smile grew onto my face seeing you look so peaceful.

   I wanted to be the cause of that for the rest of your life.

   It makes me feel so depressed knowing that I didn't.

I couldn't.

And I still can't.

....The Steel.

    You remember that place right?

   I introduced it to you that day and I knew you really enjoyed it there.

   I'm still saddened that you never brought me there with you but I'm glad that I showed you the only place that made you happy because I couldn't succeed in that.

     I had so much faith in you improving in your self-consciousness but I had to believe in my self first to help you with it.

   But I couldn't....

I could never do anything for you...... and I apologize for that.

    To Heeyeon
From your disappointment, Kalel.