눈발 (A Stray Goat), The Sequel

Chapter 04 / Minshik

Flashback, December 2015

I wanted to beat the sh*t out of him, but I needed to hurry. It was already coming to the time for Ki to be given to us. There have been so many things that have gone wrong in my life, and for at least this once... I wanted to make things right. All my life, I've always just let things slide—but no, not anymore!

I ran as fast as I could, going to meet Yejoo and the ahjusshi who sold black goats for a living. I banged on the glass door, but no one was inside. The place reeked with the smell of goat blood.

Augh, where could he be?! I have to hurry!

I ran over the hill to where Yejoo and I would normally go walk to see Ki. Just as I was about to run into the woods, I saw ahjusshi getting up from the ground. But then I also saw Yejoo on the ground...

What just happened?... It's not what I think it is, right? It can't be...

Yejoo lied still on the ground... I noticed that her undergarment was pulled down to her ankles.

No...

Suddenly, I couldn't breathe. I felt my body overcome with shock. I felt confusion and fear... and anger. I couldn't process what I was feeling because I couldn't believe what was before my eyes. All of a sudden, I felt my body tremble with an overwhelming fear as memories flashed right before my eyes...

The images were blurry, but I could see a young teenage boy who had just come out of health class. He seemed confused as to how the human reproduction system worked. Because of his curiosity, the other kids made fun of him as he would raise his hands to ask questions.

I never told anyone this... not even Wonjae... but I was sexually molested for a period of time in my life.

My mind flooded with horrid memories, and I became overwhelmed with anxiety. Fearing—the only thing I felt like I could do was cry. I felt helpless... so I ran.

I turned away and started running and running, running as far away as fast as I could... but the memories I suppressed, the ones I refused and didn't want to remember, resurfaced.

As I ran, I could feel my warm tears stream down my cheeks, turning only into cold streams as the wind blew at my face. I attempted to wipe them, but they just kept streaming. Soon, my cheeks became frozen from the rapid wind against my cheeks. My tears were smothered from my constant wiping and my hands froze from the cold wet feeling.

* * * * *

August 2016

I couldn't believe my eyes. I couldn't believe who it was standing before me. It was Yang Yejoo... and she was with child. What was she doing here? I felt sick to my stomach and wanted to throw up. For what felt like a long moment, we just stood there, staring at one another. I could hear the sound of my heart beating—and it was loud, going faster by the second.

"Do you know each other?" Wonjae asked, breaking the silence.

I didn't know how to respond; nothing could come out of my mouth. I tried to speak but I could only etch out small breaths. I felt my palms get sweaty, so I clenched my fists. I tried to grip myself together. In all honesty, I only felt like running away.

"Ah, yes," Yejoo responded. I looked at her eyes, and she made eye contact with Wonjae smiling to him. Then she looked me in the eyes and bowed her head to me. "It's been a while," she said slowly.

I quickly bowed my head back in response to her. Hearing her speak made me feel a little less anxious, but I still felt tension. I never told Wonjae anything about Goseong, so it made me a little nervous about how much Wonjae and his family knew anything about what happened between Yejoo and I. (a/n: keep in mind, Goseong is the name of the place where the movie Nunbal took place.)

Wonjae had asked us to sit down and aunty came in with the banana bread that she had just baked. She was forewarning us that the banana bread was still fresh and hot, and instructed us to be careful when eating it. Both aunty and Yejoo worked together being hospitable for both Wonjae and I, but Wonjae told them they didn't have to do that, because it was just us. Aunty insisted that I was a guest as I hadn't been there in a long time.

Aunty cut the banana bread as Yejoo put out the plates for aunty to place the banana bread on them. Yejoo took out tea bags and set them into the tea cups. I sat and watched Yejoo pour the hot water from the tea kettle. I couldn't take my eyes off of Yejoo. I couldn't believe that she was here, right in front of my eyes.

There was something about Yejoo. She seemed different... like, there was life in her eyes. She wasn't the same Yejoo that I remembered back in Goseong... I only remember she had cold sad eyes; I could only remember that she carried weight and pain. But the Yejoo now, here before my very own eyes... she was laughing and smiling.

She laughed at the things that Wonjae would say, hitting him if he was messing around with her. I watched as both Wonjae and Yejoo helped each other set the cups and plates around the table. It was as if she was the daughter in this family or something. She fit right in.

I couldn't help but feel confused about what I was seeing.

"Minshik-ah, is everything alright?" I hear aunty interrupt my thoughts. "You haven't said a word since you sat down."

Yejoo and Wonjae turned their eyes to me. Yejoo's eyes met mine, and I slowly turned to look to aunty. "Oh, yeah," I responded. "I just... I'm a little tired from the day and from traveling to get here." I lied. "I should probably get going soon though. I haven't finished unpacking my things yet."

"Ah, is that so?" aunty responded.

I stood up and bowed. "Thank you for your hospitality though. Sorry for leaving on such short notice." I started to make my way toward the door.

"What? But we just got here though," Wonjae said with his mouthful of banana bread.

"Sorry Wonjae, I gotta go," I told him. I bowed again, and reached the door. I quickly put on my shoes, and scurried out.

As soon as I stepped foot out of the house, I let out a breath. I could hear aunty scolding Wonjae in the background, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

I started to walk and wondered to myself if seeing Yejoo was even real or not. And if it was, why was she smiling? Was it even really her? What was different about her? I only remembered the expression she gave me when she entered the doors of Suyang. The look of anger on her face, as she probably only felt pain and betrayal from me. She was once again made an outcast. I only remembered feeling fear and shame from that very moment. (a/n: Suyang is the name of the church that Minshik's parents started in Goseong.) But then that image of her and Wonjae kept coming back to me. They were like a family.

"Yah! Minshik-ah! Minshik-ah!" I heard Wonjae's voice calling out from behind me. "Cho Minshik!" I turned around to see a panting Wonjae.

I stopped walking. "Oh, Wonjae-ah... what're you doing? And why're you... panting?" I let him catch his breath as he placed his hand on my shoulder. He patted my shoulder to let me know he was good to go, and we started walking.

"My mom told me to help you unpack," he said, still trying to catch his breath. "And I'm panting because I was calling out your name while coming after you! Didn't you hear me?" He said annoyed. "Why are you walking so fast? You're lucky I didn't get hit by a car! There were cars passing by before I could cross the street."

"Oh, sorry," I told him.

Wonjae placed his hands into his pocket and peered down to look at my face.

"What?" I asked.

"You seem distracted," he said. "Is everything alright?"

"Oh, no," I lied. My stomach began to churn. Flashbacks began running through my head, and I couldn't shake them off. I could feel my body fill up with hot flashes. I left Yejoo that day, and I didn't even look back... Did she tell Wonjae and his family about the boy that left her? Would Wonjae talk bad about that boy who left her side? What would Wonjae think of me if he found out the truth about me—to find out that I was that coward? Would he see me differently? I could hear the sound of my heart beating faster and faster.

"Yah, Minshik-ah," Wonjae interrupted my thoughts.

"Oh, what is it?"

"Are you okay? I asked you a question and called your name like, three times already."

I felt like I couldn't breathe, as I was overwhelmed with anxiety. All of a sudden, everything went black.