Guilt

7.5K 259 169
                                    

           I stand with my back still pressed to the wall where Saiki just left me. ~oh wow~ I can't comprehend anything at the moment. My hands are jittering and my cheeks are burning as I watch him walk away. ~oh wow Saiki just.. Saiki he.. Saiki and I, we..~ even my thoughts refuse to accept what just happened ~Saiki kissed me~ I let a smile creep its way into my lips where Saiki's had just been.
As I walk back to class in a daze, I accidentally bump into Aren. ~oh shit, I didn't even see him. I was to preoccupied thinking about—~ my thoughts are rudely interrupted by Aren trying to get my attention.
           "Hey man you okay? You look out of it?" I look up at him, my eyesight fuzzy due to my lack of focus. "Hey..uh Kaidou?!" He waves his hand in from of my face and I snap back into it. "Oh uh yeah! I'm great, just...thinking?" I say the last part as more of a question than I intended. ~would Saiki want anyone to know?~ I decide on no because I just got him to kiss me I don't want to make him mad now. "Ohhh Kay," Aren prolongs the 'oh' and with that we walk into class.
           I sit down at my desk and just as the bell rings and Saiki plops into his chair next to mine. I turn to look at him and give a wave, Saiki doesn't even glance in my direction. Then Teruhashi sits in her seat next to his, she gives him a big smile and waves at him. Saiki nods in reply. ~maybe he didn't see me~ I wave again, this time he turns but not towards me, no, he turns in the opposite direction. My heart seems to drop to the floor.

~POV SWITCH(Saiki)~

          Next to me Kaidou is shrinking, his thoughts are becoming more and more erratic as I ignore him. "~why did he turn away? Does he hate me? Was this all a joke?.. nonono Saiki isn't like that. What if.. did he not like the kiss...?~" I had to hold back a snicker. People who aren't psychic really have it hard, I guess this is the only plus to my powers.
          I successfully avoid Kaidou until lunch. When lunch rolled around he sat in his usual spot by Nendou and me. I simply walked away and sat by Teruhashi, to my distain but her pleasure. She looked extremely proud with her head held high. Where as when I glanced at Kaidou his head was down, seemingly deflated. His thoughts were running similarly to earlier but is was a pain to focus that much since it's so crowded in here so I decide to simply watch him rather than read his thoughts. I want to know how far I can tease him. I did this for the next two days as well.

~TIME SKIP~

          I'm sitting next to teruhashi, not listening to her boring story when I notice Kaidou quickly walking towards the bathroom. I use my clairvoyance to see him. All I see is Kaidou with his head between his knees, muffling his sobs. I straighten my vision, with a sigh I mutter "what a pain"
          I walk to the bathroom that Kaidou had gone into and check to make sure no one except Kaidou is in there. Once I know he's alone I go in and close the door that's usually left ajar behind me. The door shuts rather loudly and I grimace.
          Kaidou's sobs soften at the noise and I gingerly knock on the stall I know he's hiding in. A cracked "go away" comes from him after my third knock, a pang of...something shoots through me. And I turn to leave immediately. ~what was that?? Jeezz your blue haired friend getting you to feel things now is he?~ I storm towards the door, angry with myself for feeling these weird.. emotions. Suddenly I hear the 'click' of the stall door opening and I spin around to find a puffy eyed Kaidou. His crimson eyes look into mine and I feel that pang again. ~that'd be guilt my friend, you did this to him.~ Kaidou brushed his hair out of his face and behind his ear as he sniffles out a quiet "Saiki?" I don't look at him, I don't think I can and my shoes suddenly become very interesting. "D-do you hate me?.."  Kaidou asks barely audible. My head snaps up with an expression I don't think I've ever worn on it, I think it's somewhere between horror and guilt? But I don't seem to care as I look into his eyes. Something inside me breaks as another tear falls from his beautiful eyes.
          I force my feet to move over to him and push him back inside the stall, kicking the door closed behind us. Kaidou lets out a small yelp and I press my lips to him finding that I had missed his lips on mine more than I'll ever admit. It's the same as last time. With his lips on mine the world around us seems to fade. I can still hear Kaidou's thoughts but everyone else's seem to fade. It's like a drug, this silence.
          We pull apart to catch our breath, Kaidou's eyes are now glazed over and his cheeks are dusted with a pink hue; making him look even cute than before. "I thought you didn't like the kiss! I thought"- I cut him off by pressing our lips back together, relishing the warmth and silence. Even with Kaidou's thoughts rushing, it's calming.
          'I'm sorrys' escape my lips as we crash into one another. The bell for class rings but I don't want to stop. His lips and the nothing around is too good for me to let go of. But Kaidou pulls away and says, "We've got to go Saiki." The voices from the cafeteria rush back into my head as he walks away from me and out the door. I sigh and place my bored expression back onto my face as I follow him out the bathroom door.
           I was not prepared for the intense wave of thoughts that came rushing to my head. I've had this everyday of my life, I've of course learned to live with the wave of voices, but right now they all seem amplified.
          I make my way to class, my head pounding, and myself wishing everyone would drop dead so that they're thoughts would be quiet. I long for the times I could think straight feeling as though I wasted those moments. I plop into my desk and tug my head into my hands. I feel a hand pat my shoulder as I squeeze my eyes shut. The voices seem to get impossibly louder. Someone puts they're hand on my shoulder and I assume it's the same person from before but as soon as they touch me the voices stop.
          I jerk my head up, they pull they're hand back and with it the voices rush back loudly. I reach out and grasp onto the persons hand silencing the voices. I hear a familiar yelp and look up to see it was Kaidou's hand I had grasped. I look into his eyes and everything is silent.

A/n heyyy guys thx for sticking with me Ik my posting is very irregular. But I'm working on it. Thx u for being so supportive and I love you all!!! Ur the best. Hopefully u see where I'm going with this story don't worry lots of fluff to come! <3 thx again guys (1280 words)

Emotionless LoverWhere stories live. Discover now