Alex

Obsessions never start out as an obsession. But rather as an interest, a simple, harmless, interest. But like a snowball rolling down a snowcoated hill, it grows and grows bigger and bigger. It grows until it has the power to cause harm. It grows until it's the only thing that consumes your mind. Well, that's how it happened for me.
    
     My obsession started in 5th grade. Dad left mom for a 19-year-old amateur photographer 4 years earlier. Mom wasn't the same. She developed major depression and quit caring. This caused me to grow up fast, too fast. I started to feel like a bird in a cage. The pressure of the world was on my 11-year-old shoulders. All I wanted to do is feel free. I wanted my bird cage to be unlocked.
 
     My obsession grew from there. In fifth grade as long as I blared music, I was free. By the time I was in 8th grade, I was doing things other kids my age wouldn't imagine doing. Feeling free consumed my mind. My snowball of an obsession grew and grew until I became the person I am now. I'm not proud of myself. I hurt people. I pushed people away as soon as felt attachment.

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    I sat parked on a secluded part of the beach. The warm summer night air surrounds me. The moon and stars shine bright, brighter than I ever seen them. The windows to my jeep were rolled down, allowing music to blare through the empty gaps in metal. I breath in, letting myself feel numb.
Senior year had just ended. I know I should be figuring out what I should be doing with my life, but I'm not. Instead I'm lying on the hood of my jeep staring at the stars, breathing in the smoke from a blunt.

     A voice from behind scared me. The voice came from Triston. Trison has been by my side since elementary school, but in ninth grade our friendship abruptly ended. Now our interactions were limited to polite smiles in the hallways or brief conversations at a mutual friend's party.I like to believe it was for the best, but I know I'm lying to myself. I've kept the real reason why we ended from him.

     "Scoot over Alex" he demanded. I did as I was told. "Trsiton?" I asked confused. "Yeah. I thought I'd find you here. I... I just have been doing some thinking resently. And, you're the only person I can talk to about this." He said. I gave him a concerned look. "What's up?" I asked. I let out a long sigh, "I'm sick of this place. Now high school is over, I dont have stay. I'm leaving baby girl" he said. It took me a while to process what he had just said. I haven't heard him call me baby girl since 9th grade. "When?" I asked. He let out another sigh, as if every exhale realesed the weight of the world. "I don't know, maybe in about two weeks. I'm going to Colorado. Like I said since elementary, I don't like the beach and seagulls are mean. They are annoying and steal your food." He laughed. I grew quiet, letting his voice fill me with bittersweet memories. "I missed you Triston" I whispered. A lump formed in the back of my throat and tears stung my eyes. "What happened to us?" He asked. I took a deep breath in, "...nothing." I mumbled, hoping he wasn't going to press me into telling the truth. "Seriously.. nothing? It may not be nothing to you, but it was something to me. I've been fucked up for almost four years. I've non-stop asked myself what did I do wrong. Every time you hear my voice you run away. You won't look me in the eye. Give me closure." He pleads. Tears start streaming down my face. "I-I can't tell you," I cry. He jumps down from the hood of my Jeep. "Bullshit," he mumbled before storiming off; leaving me in tears. I deserved it. I deserve worse.