»brother« || »frerard«

.prologue;

Gerard Way was was a night owl. He tried not to be; but there was no way around it. He just couldn't sleep, although he never tried very hard to.

He didn't think of himself as anything special, when the hazel-eyed man looked into the mirror, he saw average. When he looked into his mind, he saw average. I mean; he could barely survive in his much too big, lonely New York apartment, and oh god, the rain. It was going to be the death of him. Nights felt like days as the pouring beat of the rain pounded on his window.

Alone. That's what he was.

And his loneliness ruined him. It kept him awake at night; the only company being the rain. The awful, dread-filled rainy nights. The city skyline gave him no hope, no light, even if every single fucking building seemed to never turn of any lights.

He needed, wanted, yearned for someone. Or something. A change, maybe. But Gerard was so afraid. Scared of a change. He didn't even know how he could change his life- they didn't teach him this in school- right? To change was within each person, somewhere for them to find, and it came for others easily. But to Gerard, change was a mystery, even if it was all he wanted.

All he saw for his life was a lonely road.

A dark, leaf roofed road, with only enough space for one, and every time he took a step it closed behind him. Every step he takes, only makes him feel more and more compressed in the tiny path. Eventually, he knew it would come to a close. A dead end.

He didn't want that, he wanted an escape. He hoped for a cut in the woods surrounding his path, to open up a brighter road, in a field full of sunshine and laughter.

His personal, living, heaven and hell.

Gerard wished. And he tried to make his life better. He got more money, made more art. More work, more requests. But never more happiness, never a friend.

He never believed in the phrase, "Money can't buy happiness," thinking it was silly, as he always had more fun when he had more possibilities and options with his money. But now, as an adult, he realized it was true. Gerard had a lot of money, too much. It was more than what he asked for, when all he wanted was someone to be there for him.

He wasn't there for himself.

His family lived in New Jersey still, and they pretty much forgot he existed. He missed his brother, the last time Gerard saw him, he gave little Mikey his number and told him to call or text whenever he wanted.

Gerard never got a call.

It was impossible for his parents to give less of a shit about him. At the age of 16, he hesitantly told them he had a boyfriend, back when he was in high school, when he was a little more happier, when his family was there for him.

That was the moment, at 16, when Gerard was kicked out by his parents, who were filled with newfound hatred and disgust for their son. That was the moment, at 16, where he had no place to go. That was the moment, at 16, where had to find a way to make a living to survive.

That was when Gerard truly realized the world was cold and cruel.

He hadn't yet realized it was lonely.

He never even told them what he does for a living.

They wouldn't ever care, they'd probably just tell him it's not a real job and that he's a disappointment.

Eventually, as the rain stopped and the clouds parted, the sun rising once more, it all gave Gerard a false sense of hope, as he laid his head on his pillow, closed his eyes and smiled a little to himself, seeing the bright lights fade on his eyelids, he drifted off to sleep.

Bright lights that won't kill me now, or tell me how.