Starting Over

My Story

Author's Note: Shout out to BellaSH13. Thank you helping me with the name.

Alec

"Don't play coy with me. I see how it goes. I go to the support group, Alec gives me your mom's shelter information, knowing I'm homeless, and then Jace comes in and offers me his guest room. So now, you have me cornered in a room on the second floor of an apartment," Clary comments. I can practically see the gears turning in her head. She doesn't trust anyone. After being with someone who you trust, only to have them hurt you, trust is a hard thing to have.

Clary starts shaking. Crap! She's having a panic attack. She thinks she's going to be hurt. "Clary, you're safe here. No one will hurt you," Jace says as he steps closer. What is he doing? She's only going to get more worked up. Clary backs up, until she's against the bed. Jace, ugh! "Clary, calm down. It's okay. Just breathe."

"Jace, you need to step away from her," I demand.

"I've dealt with panic attacks before Alec," Jace comments. Now is not the time for his ego to inflame!

"Have you dealt with an abused person having a panic attack? The only thing you're doing by walking closer to her is scaring her," I bluntly blurt, knowing I have to stop him before she passes out. Jace stops at my words and walks away from her slowly.

"Clary, do you want us to leave you alone or we could all go downstairs and get some warm hot chocolate? Tea? Coffee?" I offer. Those fucking fear instincts are getting her again. She doesn't want to be a bother. She doesn't want to use resources. I hate what people do to other people, just for their own selfish gain.

"I w...want to go downstairs, but maybe just have some water please," Clary quietly mumbles. She needs to know she has support.

"Clary, it's okay to have anything you want here. If you need anything, Jace will get it for you. If he doesn't, just call me and I'll help you," I assure her

"I don't want to get uglier," Clary whispers. That bastard! Not only did he make her feel unworthy, he also made her feel repulsive, or even unlovable.

Author's Note: This is important! DO NOT SKIP! The views of this next bit is in no way reflecting my beliefs. It's purely fiction. I'm sorry for using the word I use. I mean no offense to anyone.

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"I want to have some fun tonight Alec," Damien says. No! I move into the back of the closet. Please no! I don't want to. It still hurts, please.

Damien grabs my ankle and pulls me out. "How dare you hide from me!?" He kicks my stomach. "You are a disgusting dirty freak. You should be happy I'm willing to use such an unlovable faggot!"

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"What?" Jace asks, bringing me out of my flashback.

"Eating fattening foods will make me uglier. I've been eating so much. Then, I had those fries and part of a shake. I shouldn't eat anything for a few days," Clary recites. I know this 'rule' well. This is a common method of control. Controlling someone right down to what they eat, even when you're not around anymore.

"First of all, you're eating for two, so it's okay to eat more than usual. Secondly, you are in no way ugly. Third of all, you need to be eating at least two meals a day and snacks," Jace tries to assure her. I know it probably fell on deaf ears though. I NEED to talk to her. To tell her, hopefully I can help....

"Jace, can you give Clary and I moment," I give Jace a look, telling him it's important.

"Are you okay with that Clary?" Jace asks gently. Clary nods after some deliberation. "Okay, I'll be downstairs. Please come down when you're done and well have some warm hot chocolate." Jace leaves.

I make sure to keep a distance from Clary, so she doesn't feel threatened. "Clary, when you asked me about why you should feel safe telling me your story, do you remember what I said?" I question.

"You said that everyone there had experienced abuse," Clary replies.

"Indeed. I know it's not something that victims like to talk about, but I think it's important for you to know I'm not just some guy who took an abuse class. So, if you don't mind, before we go downstairs, I'd like to tell you about my experience," I offer.

"Okay," Clary agrees.

"When I went to college, I thought I had to prove myself. Jace had always protected me, and I hated him for it. Everyone always talked behind my back about how weak I was. That my brother had to defend me. So, when I went to college, I wanted to be independent. I enrolled in a college on the other side of the country. I got my own apartment and hung out with whoever. That's when I met Damien," I hesitate.

"Alec, I'm sorry. You don't have to-" Clary begins.

"I know, but I need to," I explain. Clary nods. "When I first met him, he was so sweet. We dated for a few months. Six months in, we still hasn't had sex. I was a virgin, and the idea of him going into me, it scared me. Slowly, he started becoming less and less patient. One day, he came home mad. It must've been a bad day at college or work. We were going to bed and he locked my arms above my head with his hands while hovering over me. Before I realized what was happening, he had my hands handcuffed to the bed. He proceeded to pull my pants and boxers off." I feel tears gathering in my eyes. "He raped me. Everyday after that, he'd rape me. If I tried to fight him, he'd beat me. I didn't have any friends, so when I stopped showing upto classes, no one said anything. After a few more months, I basically lived in the closet of his bedroom, hiding. I still have nightmares and flashbacks of my time there. My parents came to see me as a surprise one day. When they knocked on the door and saw my...condition, they helped me get back here. I was under Damien's control for 3 years Clary. When I first came back, I was a mess, but after I learned to trust again, it got better. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should trust everyone. However, my brother and my mom are safe people. They were safe for me when I needed them. They'll be safe for you." Clary is looking at me intently.

"Okay, I'll try Alec," Clary mumbles.

"Good, now let's get some hot chocolate," I smile. Clary stands up and follows me downstairs.

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I do not own any of the Mortal Instruments books, materials, etc. All credit belongs to Cassandra Clare.

Author's Note:
I hope you all like it! Please leave comments, votes, and feedback. I'm going to update, when I do and it'll be random.

Originally posted: 12/26/18