Better Off Without Me

Chapter Seven

It had been three weeks since they exchanged "I love you"s. Three weeks of cuddling and making out on Jack's bed, three weeks of Jack drawing a bath for Alex but covering his eyes while Alex got in the tub, three weeks of hot chocolate by the fire while they talked about Christmas. Three weeks of perfection, saying "I love you" whenever they got the chance. All was wonderful, until the first "fight".

It was a stupid fight. Jack wanted to go to the store, but Alex didn't want him to leave. So they argued.

"I need to get groceries, Alex. We have nothing good to eat."

"But Jacky, I'm lonely!"

"I'll only be like an hour, Lex!"

"Let me come with you."

"You can't come with me!"

"Why not? I'm perfectly fine!"

"No you aren't Alex! Your scar isn't healed yet, and you still can't walk straight."

 "Yes I can! Watch!"

Alex stood up and began walking slowely across the living room. He walked almost perfectly straight until he lost his balance, suddenly falling into a shelf. The shelf fell off of the wall and the little glass trinkets all shattered on the floor. Alex sat up, shaking, as he watched Jack's face fill with anger. 

"I'm so sorry, Jack..." he spoke softly. Jack squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his fists. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it again, and repeated this action several times. Alex had never seen Jack angry before, so he just sat with his knees to his chest and tears in his eyes, staring at Jack, prepared to the worst. 

Jack said nothing. He shut his mouth for the last time, opened his eyes, but avoided eye contact with Alex. He turned at his heels and grabbed the car keys off of the counter before storming out the door and slamming it behind him.

Alex sat in the same spot as he watched the car leave the driveway. Tears rolled down his cheeks, but he didn't make a noise or move a muscle. He sat in the same spot, watching cars pass by the front window. He watched squirrels run across the yard carrying acorns. Squirrels that had places to be and families to feed. Unlike Alex. He was now so dependent on Jack, that without him, he was nothing. Since he met Jack, he had never been away from him. Not once. It had been almost two months of constantly seeing Jack's face.

Alex thought about Jack's face. His long, slender face that was lined with a slight stubble. His reddish brown eyes, his round-tipped nose that was always pink from the cold. His soft lips that were usually curved into a smirk, the pink tongue that poked out of that smirk when Jack was concentrating on something. His dark, messy hair that stuck to his face when he was sleeping, and brushed across the tip of Alex's nose when they kissed. Everything about Jack was perfect. And Alex just wanted him to come home.

~

Jack pushed the cart to the checkout counter and piled things up. Soda, frozen pizza, chips, popcorn, more chips, more soda, hot chocolate, milk, cheerios... a box of swiss chocolates. Jack felt terrible for walking out on Alex, over something so stupid. He knew how sensetive his boyfriend was, and he could only imagine what he was doing at the moment. Probably in the same spot he fell in, shaking and crying and wanting to die. 

Wanting to die. Jack thought of how Alex had problems with that. Would Alex feel like Jack had left him, too? Just like everyone else that Alex ever loved. Jack wanted to punch himself in the face. How could he have been so stupid? He yelled at Alex because Alex was afraid. He was afraid that Jack would leave him. And he probably thinks he did leave him. 

Jack pulled out his wallet to pay for the groceries, almost forgetting as he lost himself in his own thoughts. "One hundred thirty-seven fifty," the lady at the register said. Jack swiped the credit card his parents gave him, rushing to collect his bags and leave without saying anything else. He needed to get back to Alex and apologize as soon as he could.

~

When the sun started to set, Alex gave up on any hope of Jack returning. He said one hour, and it had been nearly four. He was probably headed to New York to continue on his life without Alex. 

Tears streamed down his face and he sobbed more than he ever sobbed before, even more than when his brother died. Tears blurred his vision almost completely, and he staggered around searching for something, anything. He was so done, he gave life one last shot and it was ruined. There was no hope left for him. He decided that he might as well end it now before it got even worse.

He dug around in drawers until he found the biggest knife that Jack had to offer. It was probably a foot long, with a carved marble handle and a shiny, freshly-sharpened blade. He sat down on the kitchen floor, back against the cabinets, tears pouring down his cheeks. This was it. He was finally going to die. 

Or so he thought.

Blood trickled down the side of his arm and began forming a small puddle on the floor. He was barley able to hold the knife anymore, he was becoming weaker and weaker as he bled and sobbed. Just as he was finishing, a pair of bright headlights blazed through the window and stung his eyes. He squeezed them shut, not knowing what to do.

It was suddenly dark, and Alex was laying on the kitchen floor. Surrounded by blood and tears that puddled beside him. He coughed and choked, clawing at the floor as if that would do anything at all. "Damn it," he forced out, hearing the door creak open just before everything started spinning.

~

"Lexy?" Jack called sweetly as he walked around the house, poking his head in all the rooms. Alex was no where to be found. He was gone, and Jack had no idea where. He started to panick, his heart beating fast and tears streaming down his face. "Alex!" he called out. Suddenly, he heard something. A very quiet moan. It came from the kitchen, which was the one room that Jack hadn't looked in yet.

"Lexy?" he called out before turning the corner into the kitchen. 

Alex was laying on his side, blood puddled all around him. His left arm lay limp on the ground, barely gripping a bloody knife, while his right arm was rested against his chest. Blood trickled down his bare chest from underneath his wrist. Jack sank to his knees, crying and screaming his boyfriend's name.

A/N omfg two updates in one day????? yesyes. i know this chapter is absolutely horrible but please don't hate me because I promise I didn't kill Alex! c: the story will get happy again, and don't worry, it's not nearly over yet. leave me comments please and thank you~