Irresolute

Chapter 3: Baptism

You're forced into a simple dress by Maribelle, white, because that was what John had told her to wear for the baptism. She hadn't thought to tell you until later that you and her were among the people getting baptized, and though she saw you wanted to run from it, she refused to let you.

"You need somethin' new in your life, hon. You need to do something with your free time 'sides sittin' on your couch starin' at a book."

"It's called reading, Mari, you know how to do it."

"I know, but that doesn't get you outta the house, does it?"

You're still questioning the church, questioning whether Joseph truly talked to God or not, but John, unfortunately, has you hooked. Being honest with yourself, which you were rather often, was having to admit that your main draw to the church was now the younger brother of the Father rather than the actual religion itself. Were there good points behind Joseph's words? Some of it made sense, and hopefully that wasn't just you going down the cloud cuckoo lander rabbit hole with the rest of the overly dedicated members.

It felt weird to call the other members cultists now, even though you were still pretty sure that's what they were; wouldn't that make you a cultist, too? You didn't feel like one, but perhaps that's because you weren't fully dedicated to the cause like the others were. You were going along out of convenience, to get out of the house, and to watch over Maribelle to assure she didn't sign her life away to some nutjob. Or was that just an excuse? Were you just making endless excuses for something you actually found fascinating? Was it a defense mechanism to protect yourself from having to admit you were a terrible person clearly seeking comfort from the worlds problems in the least confrontational way possible?

You wondered if you could ever change, if you could become a more decisive person who has strong beliefs and a moral compass others would be proud of, but you brush away the thought. There were other things in your more immediate future to worry about, you could put this one issue on the back burner for now.

'Oh my God, this really is a cult,' is your first thought upon reaching the church at the assigned time, seeing all the others dressed in a similar fashion to you and your friend. You cringe at being one of them, wondering what an outsider looking in might think, but keep your thoughts to yourself to not ruin Maribelle's brightening mood. Talking about the church seemed to distract her from her home troubles, and musing over Joseph's words had given her a new foundation in life to build off of. You don't know if she could manage to convince her kids to go, but maybe it could be a life-changing family event for them.

You're relieved to see there's actually a large number of people arriving to be baptized, and then momentarily frightened when you realize just how many people were beginning to join Joseph's side. You're not positive why that even scares you, it wasn't shocking that people would flock towards something that brings them comfort, but what would he do if given even more power? Would the Father remain as humble and loving towards you all, or...?

You're given nearly no time to think when you feel a hand stroke the side of your arm, and you almost consider the touch accidental until you turn to see John directly beside you. He's carrying a special white bible, clutched in one hand while the other hand that had just caressed your skin was idling hanging by his side. You have half the mind to tell him to keep his hands to himself, but once again with your internal honesty, you knew you didn't mind his touch at all.

Worst of all, he knew it, too.

"I'm glad to see you've shown up, our conversation earlier was enlightening." He's talking low so that others can't hear, not even Maribelle who's chatting up another Eden's Gate member right next to you. "The cleansing is like being reborn as a new person, you will confess your sins, and be offered atonement."