Irresolute

Chapter 4: Visiting an Old Friend

You've been going to church almost daily now, every time you didn't work nights Maribelle would bring you and you would go just to hear what Joseph has to say next. You write down some of things he says that you can remember when you're home, interested in his views of the world and its people. To you, it's clear he loves those under him, those who look up to him, and he regards them all as part of his family. If there was at least one admirable thing about him, it would be that Joseph Seed truly believes in everything he tells his followers.

But your decision to become a member of Joseph's flock is not without opposition in your own circle of friends.

You had been nervous about facing Nick again, especially because he had made his opinion clear on Eden's Gate and the Seeds. He seemed to have had a few less than pleasant interactions with them, mostly with John it seemed, which didn't surprise you. Nick was rather bigheaded himself, so coming up against someone who also had an ego was probably an unwelcome, frustrating experience for him. You hadn't said that to him, of course, mostly because you hadn't talked to him for a long while.

That's why you decided to visit him today.

"Hey, anyone home?" You knock on the door politely, but knowing at this point you're more like family, you enter a few seconds later without needing a reply.

You'd met Nick when you first moved down this way and formed an unlikely friendship, mostly because there weren't many others who lived in the same area who were the same age as you were. You'd met first as teenagers, causing trouble in high school, drinking whenever you could, and just being nuisances in general. He became a little more put together once he hit eighteen and started to learn more about the aviation business, even offering to take you up in the air sometime; your fear of heights had you decline that offer as quickly as you could.

Either way, it's a friendship that's lasted for years, maybe around thirteen if you were getting the math right. You didn't have as much time to spend with him as you did before, and he was getting ready to have a family of his own with his wife Kim, whose company you also enjoyed, but you made time to visit him when you had off work. Plus, you wanted a reason to deny Maribelle's request for you to go to church with her that night. Your mind was becoming too muddled for you to enjoy the experience, and you needed a fresh taste of the other side.

"Hey, stranger! Ain't see you around these parts in a long time!" Nick brings you into a tight hug and you laugh, leaning into his touch and patting his back affectionately. You can't help but briefly think about the fact his touch brings you something different than John and Joseph, it's comfort, care, and warmth. He really was your best friend, which made it harder for you to tell him about your new... hobby?

What even was it?

"What have you been doin' with your life?" Nick asks, handing you a beer and settling onto the couch beside you. Kim joins you shortly afterwards, settling down to sit in front of you two.

"Well, you... might not really approve of what I've been doing." His eyes narrow and you can tell he's already trying to think of all the possible ways you could piss him off.

"Don't tell me-"

"Well, I'm baptized now, so your granddaddy would be proud!"

"Baptized? By those fuckin' nutjobs?" He gives you an incredulous look. "You nearly gave my granddad a heart attack tellin' him you never went to church, and now you're joinin' a cult?"

"Well, look. I don't really believe in a lot of that stuff, you know that, I just went with Maribelle out of curiosity. And then..." There were a lot of things you could tell Nick, but confessing you were attracted to a Seed was most likely not one of them. He already looked agitated to hear you were even mingling with them, you can't imagine his reaction to telling him you were sort of enamored with John Seed. "Let's uh, switch topics, yeah? How's the baby makin' going?"

You would think this would be an awkward topic of conversation, asking your best friend how it's going with impregnating his wife, but you can tell he's relieved (and a bit excited) to talk about it. Kim takes the reigns quickly and begins to explain about her various doctor visits to make sure she was healthy and fertile enough to have a baby, with Nick injecting his opinion a few times to explain how he thinks the visits were pointless and they should just get to it.

"Can't wait to see a little Nick Jr. toddling around the house, you better hide the beer, don't want him to get started to early."

"Psh, I'm gonna raise my kids different than how I was raised. Granny taught me how to shoot too early, three was just too young." He shakes his head. "I'm gonna wait until mine are at least five."

"Oh, good. How do you feel about that Kim?"

"We've settled on that age together, better than handing the baby a gun straight out the womb."

"You know what, I'm gonna have to agree with you there."

You forgot how easy it was to be around them, to laugh freely and talk about stupid topics that don't even matter, like the odd influx of wolverines attacking unsuspecting civilians in the area. You've been hearing so much about the worlds potential end, about violence and hatred running rampant in the world, you hadn't realized how emotionally exhausted you were; being with them was like refilling your social meter, setting your shoulders at ease and allowing the tense feelings to float away for a while.

The time to go home and slumber comes too quickly for your taste, but you had work the next morning, and you didn't want to be caught half-asleep and off-guard again by a certain someone. You give Kim and quick hug before Nick walks you to the door, glancing back to see if Kim's entered the kitchen before he takes a step outside with you.

"I'm worried about you and that cult."

You should've known that Nick hadn't forgotten what you had told him, even after the topic had turned more pleasant. He'd always had a protective streak over you, even when you were teenagers hanging around his other friends; he had made it clear they weren't to even think about you in a dirty way, or so help him he'd consider ripping their dicks off. He said it's because it's obvious you won't defend yourself, going with the flow of what was happening even if it left you with regrets, and you couldn't say you disagreed with that assessment. Even back when you were a kid you were easily swayed, with no solid direction and just... going along with what was happening. You'd gained some independent thought since then, but Nick hadn't grown out of his protector role.

"Nicky, you really don't have to worry about me. They're a little weird, but kinda harmless. I haven't seen anything weird or suspicious... that other religions don't do, anyway." He shakes his head.

"You always try to see the best in everythin' and it's gonna get you killed one day, you know?"

"I know." Your heart feels heavy and your anxiety spikes, suddenly feeling how foreboding this conversation was going to be. "I'm keeping my wits about me, I promise. If anything awful or scary happens, I'm out of there."

"You think they'll let you leave, just like that? Damn, have you ever watched a documentary in your life?"

"Have you?"

"Now, that's funny but I'm not in the mood for laughing." You hated when Nick was serious, it made you feel unsettled, like you were being scolded by your father. "I need you to be careful. Promise me that you're not gonna let your mind be warped by those lunatics and what they're preachin'."

"I won't."

"Promise me."

"I promise I won't let the cult turn me into some loony who thinks they can foresee the end of the world as we know it."

"Thank you." You can tell he still has more to say but it's getting late, and Kim is calling to him to come to bed and leave you be now. You give him one last hug, hopefully a reassuring one, before heading to your car.

You still think back to that conversation, even after all that's happened, finding that you didn't technically break your promise to Nick.

Technically.