Irresolute

Chapter 5: Tempting Fate

"You got a fucking tattoo?"

You stare at Maribelle wide-eyed, wondering why she couldn't go one night without you chaperoning her; you feel guilty now for not attending the church meeting with her, especially because it seemed you missed an incredibly important event. "Let me see what it says."

"Envy. My sin." She shakes her head, covering her shoulder back up with her uniform. "It was hard to think of, but... I think it fits me. John agreed."

"He's the one who did it?" She nods. "That's... interesting."

"A man who knows how to use his hands is attractive." Maribelle offers up with a knowing smile, and you roll your eyes, deciding you'd rather work than hear her two cents on how you should advance your relationship with John. "He asked about you while he did it, ya know. Wanted to know a little more about ya."

"That's because he's incredibly nosy, and he's being too obvious if he's actually trying to flirt. Don't you think something's up?"

"Can you not just let good things happen to you? Why do you find it so hard to believe a man is interested and attracted to you to the point they want to get closer to you?"

"A lot of reasons." You respond quickly, but you wonder if it's because Nick's gotten into your head.

He called you the day after you'd visited him to tell you some more about the Seeds and his interactions with them, which had all seemed friendly but they just managed to rub him the wrong way. You feel like he's placing doubts in your head in an effort to pull you out of the grips of the cult, and you feel yourself just going along with it, like you always do. From your own personal experiences, the Seeds had never caused you any concern; Joseph welcomed you with open arms and patience despite your reluctance to believe in his words, you were incredibly attracted to John and liked to think your crazy radar would've gone off by this point if there was something seriously wrong with him, and for the third Seed sibling, well, you'd never met him so you couldn't judge fully.

When were you gonna learn to think for your damn self? When were you gonna realize that your own opinion matters? You know Nick cared about you and what you were doing, and you know the whole Eden's Gate thing was odd, but damn it, the world wasn't exactly a stable place at the moment. People did all sorts of crazy dumb shit, and maybe starting a cult is in the middle of the list of questionable things, but there were certainly things way worse, right?

God, you had to stop thinking about this deeply and just let it be.

Just let it be.

"Just... did John say when he was doing this atonement tattoo thing again?"

"Yes! I think his equipment is always on hand, we got them in this are real close to the church, so if you just went up and asked him after the Father's sermon, I'm sure he'd make time for you." She winks. "The alone time might do you good."

"Alone time?"

"Yeah, he makes the experience personal, talks about the sins, atonement, how to better ourselves for Him, it's fascinatin' really."

"You sure you're not the one falling for those beautiful blue eyes of his?"

"Me the one who's in love? You just described his eyes as beautiful."

"Well, I'm not blind, Mari. They are beautiful."

Maribelle shakes her head at your nonsense, and soon the conversation turns back to work, discussing what has to be done before the shift is over. You become absorbed with your work for the day, thankful to not have to think deeply about any weirdly difficult topics and able to just focus on doing what you loved, helping people. Your friend seemed to want to tell you something else, but she rarely had the chance to corner you alone.

After hours of what seemed like no breaks, you're packing up, ready to go home and soak your feet when Maribelle pulls you aside.

"The Father, he... well... has requested somethin' from us." You raise an eyebrow at her, urging her on to continue; you just wanted to get home to rest your feet, not wanting to dance around in a conversation that could just be straight-forward. "He wants us to help out on his Compound."

"I'm sorry? Compound?" Okay, maybe now you would actually listen to all the things that Nick had been telling you, because the existence of a goddamn Compound was truly making this seem even more cult-like. "Mari, do not tell me-"

"I already volunteered to help give out shots, and the like. There's a few more elderly folks who live up there, and some families who don't make it into town very often. The Father wants us to give them check-ups, shots, do doctorly things-"

"See, there's where you lost me again because we're not doctors. And as much as we know about medicine, we can't just... do that. There's laws and stuff to abide by, Mari."

"I know that, and he knows that, so that's why it's on the downlow! He's requested this from multiple institutions and they've all turned him down based on his reputation, can you IMAGINE? How unchristian-like is that?"

"I can't say I'd blame them, feels like some sort of... trap. We gonna be trapped with no escape in sight?"

"Honey, you need to stop listening to the gossip around the water cooler. The Father is only lookin' out for his people, for us, too, and the least we can do to thank him for sharin' his visions with us is some medical check-ups."

Do you really want to see if there'll be a point of no return? Heading out to the Seed Compound and potentially getting trapped there forever as some sort of personal nurse to the Father? You're anxious at the thought of your life turning into a horror movie but don't want to let Maribelle down, nor do you want to make her look foolish if you don't show up alongside her. Your thoughts had also just been positive about Joseph, so why now were you suspecting him of being some serial killer? You were getting whiplash from your own thoughts.

Sighing in defeat, you give her a nod and pat her shoulder.

"Great, darlin'! You won't regret this." She clasps her hands together, eyes brightening now that convincing you was out of the way. "The Father said he had all the materials we'd need waitin' for us when we get there."

"That... how did he get shots and the like? Seems weird to have medical materials without any medical personnel."

"For someone who ignores terrible things all the time, you sure are focused on trying to prove there's something wrong here." You flinch at how harsh her words are, especially because she never talked to you like that. Maribelle was full of warmth and patience, to hear her tone turn so cold was out of the ordinary. "Do you understand how much the Father's words have helped me live, day to day, after my husband died? Do you know the peace that comes with believing in someone, someone who's lookin' out for your best interest and who wants to protect you? You won't ever understand if you don't just listen. Just listen."

To you, she sounds like a fanatic, and never before had she called you out for attempting to overthink a situation. Not to mention your concern was valid, what exactly were you injecting into these people? Your feet are crying for relief by this point, though, and you're not willing to fight with Maribelle over something like this. You'd just have to see for yourself the 'materials' he had, and judge the situation. For now, you were done worrying about it.

When you finally get home that night you're tempted to call Nick and tell him what's happening, but you're positive he might drive himself over to your house and chain you inside it so you didn't go anywhere near that Compound. You decide you'll tell him after the experience, see what he has to say, maybe over a beer so it'll shorten his inevitable 'You're an idiot' speech. You feel bad for keeping something like this from him, but now it was your insatiable curiosity throwing you into the front lines.

Wasn't curiosity what got you into this in the first place?

Curiosity killed the cat, didn't it?