Poland X reader

Safe and sound

White House- Washington DC- Bedroom

10 hours had passed and you were already fucking tired. All you could do was wonder: "where the fuck is the toilet paper? I'm gonna need it if I'm gonna be thinking of Poland." So you got up and searched for the bathroom.

5 minutes you spent, walking around in the halls looking for a single bathroom. The place was just so fucking B    I     G. Like you're d-

USA: "Hey, ya looking for sumthin?"

You got the fright of your life as you just suddenly heard America's voice. He was no longer wearing his signature shades but was instead smoking from a pipe and had one of those weird hat thingies on him.

But wait... HOW WAS HE USING THE PIPE!!!??? I mean, he has no mouth what so ever and no lungs at all because he's made out of clay!!!! You're OCD was acting up again and all this was too much for you to handle and-

USA "Hey wake the fuck up asshole, I'm talking to you!"

You: "oh shit sorry, what did you say?"

USA: "I was asking if you were looking for something."

You forgot what you were looking for so you just said.

You: "Sorry I couldn't sleep."

USA: "Oh I see. Well I can't sleep either so I'm just going to the living room to have a little read."

You: "What're you reading?"

USA: "Just a book that Uncle Scotland gave me as a kid, he said I would need it if I ever became independent one day. It's called: How to freedom and why England's a piece o' shite."

You: "Sounds Interesting, may I read it with you?"

USA: "Dickhead you can read it TO me! It's the least you could do after crawling into my fucking butthole!"

Oh that explains the smell. You and America went into the living room and you began reading the book.

You: "Uhhhhh...."

USA: "What's wrong?"

You looked into the book and it was full of nothing but the Scottish dialect. You could barely understand it at all!

You: "You know what? Let's do something else. Do you mind?"

USA: "I don't care. If ya got any questions just ask me, I'm all ears."

You started to breathe heavy and screech because he doesn't have ears.

You: "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

USA: *slaps you* Stop doing that for God sake, Geez!!"

You: "Sorry. Anyways I wanted to ask, is it true that you watch everyone masturbate every day on your FBI monitors?"

USA: "What kind of a stupid question is that? Of course I do! What kind of country DOESN'T spy on random citizens of Earth?"

You: "..."

USA: "What? Anyhoo, NEXT QUESTION!! I haven't got all night ya know, I gotta focus on protecting you from any future invasions."

You: "Yeah so um... opinions of Russia?"

USA: "Ah yes, good ol' Rusky. What do I think of him? He's an ASSHOLE!! He calls himself a democracy yet it's illegal to have any multi man protests there! It's just so unfair and he's such a jackass! He keeps threatening me for no fucking reason all the time! Anyways, good guy."

USA: "Anyways go back upstairs and go the fuck to sleep, I don't need you distracting me while I protect you."

You: "Ok goodnight!"

USA: "Whatever."

As you go upstairs to masturbate, the US hears a noise coming from outside.

He goes out to check on it and what he saw was horrific.

[Is cöntinuings next time börk börk!]