The Letters For Those Left Behind

The Funeral

"Do I really have to go?" I asked my mom trying to give her my best puppy dog eyes.

"Karen you're going to the funeral." she told me sternly. "Come on Amanda was your best friend. She'd want you to go."

There was that phrase again. I'd never been good with funerals, only going to two in my life on for my father and the other for my uncle. But I always remembered people telling me that my dad and uncle wouldn't want me to be sad. Or they'd want me to finish school. Or about a million other things they'd want me to do. Knowing Amanda as well as I did I wasn't so sure she wanted me to go to the funeral. She wouldn't want anyone to do anything thy didn't want. But if it made my mom happy I guess I'd go. Besides Adam and Cole would be there. I'd have someone to cry with besides my mom.

When we got to the church it was already packed, Amanda knew a lot of people thanks to her grandparents knowing everyone, but Adam came over and told us that we had seats saved with them up front. I sat next to Adam and Cole while my mom was behind us with Amanda's parents.

"You look nice." Adam said, his voice hoarse.

"Uh, thanks." I said. I was wearing a simple black frock. Amanda had given it to me for Christmas. Said it reminded her of our non-existent souls. I laughed then. I wasn't laughing so much now.

"That's the one she gave you isn't it." Adam said and I nodded, for if I spoke I'd begin to cry.

"How are you two?" Cole asked.

"Okay I guess." I said with a shrug. "You?"

"Horrible." he said.

Adam didn't have to say anything for me to know he felt the same as Cole and quite honestly, I did too.

The memorial service was horrible. People talking about how many lives Amanda touched and how it was a shame she was taken so soon. But I was surprised when Adam stood up to talk.

"Hello." he said, clearing his throat. "Uh, I'm Adam Mendez and I'm Amanda's cousin. What could I tell you about Amanda that hasn't already been said? We grew up across the street from each other so we'd always been more like brother and sister rather than cousins. People would often ask if we were twins, believe it or not."

I did believe it, for I was one of those people when I first met them.

"Amanda was my best friend and I could always talk to her when life was getting rough. We were always talking and making jokes and she always knew just what to say to cheer me up. I'm so grateful to have been related to someone as amazing and wonderful as Amanda. But I can honestly say nothing will give me more grief than knowing she won't be here for so many important things, like going to college, getting married, landing her dream job, having kids, and just about every single thing she told me she wanted to do.

"I know there's a lot of people in here that didn't know Amanda personally and in my mind that's a shame because she was one of the brightest lights this world could ever hope to produce. She was the sunshine in the darkest times and we will forever miss our sunshine."

                                                                                          ***

Once the memorial service was over Amanda's family, Cole, and my mother and I went to the graveyard to watch as her body was lowered into the ground. There were two more speaches, one from her parents and one from her older brother whom hadn't seen her in three years. They lowered her body into the ground and I sobbed and heled on tightly to Adam who had tears falling down his face silently. Cole looked like someone who hadn't seen te sun, dead inside.

Later me, Adam, and Cole went into Amada's room and I sat down on her bed. Cole sat on the floor and Adam went through the notebooks and papers on her desk.

"Adam it's not nice to snoop." I told him, surprised my voice came out so strong.

"Let him." Cole said.

"What?" I asked looking into Cole's bloodshot eyes.

"If he wants to look let him look. It's not like she can get mad or anything." he said giving a hollow laugh.

"She won't get mad but it's disrespectful to go through her things." I snapped, glaring at him. "Or maybe you forgot what it was like when your aunt died."

"Fuck you Karen." Cole said glaring at me.

"Guys!" Adam said holding four envlopes in his hands.

"What are those?" Cole asked.

"Letters from Amanda."

"Who are they for?" I asked looking at them.

"Us."