The Letters For Those Left Behind

Karen's Letter

Weeks had passed and none of us had opened our letters yet. So when we decided it was finally time to do so we met up in Amanda's now barren room and all sat on the floor.

"I'll go first." I said.

Karen,

Hey. If you're reading this then that means I'm dead. Sorry if that sounds cliche, but I've always wanted to say that and I guess this is as good of a place to say it. So if you're reading this that means I've committed suicide. I'm not sure how I'll do it yet, most likely hanging or an overdose. I hadn't put too much thought into how I'd do it so I'll probably choose by pulling it out of a hat or something.

Okay that was a cheep joke and it wasn't my place to say it. But....I dunno I guess I just wanted to let you know that you were always like a sister to me, even when mine left and wasn't much of one anymore. You've always been there and I can't tell you how grateful I am that you and Adam got together. God knows someone's gotta keep him in line.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm abandoning you. That's not what this is. What this is, is me telling you why I did what I did. I know it's a dumb thing to do, but I had to. I'd been feeling depressed for a long time now. And to be honest nothing had ever helped me get better. I hurt myself, and I'm not too proud of that. Well after a few years I started thinking that no one would miss me if I left.

I know that it's a horrible thought and I shouldn't feel that way, but I do. I guess you and Adam and maybe Cole miss me, but other than that....I don't even think my parents would miss me. They've already lost one daughter, maybe they won't care if they lose another. They've still got Jacob to take care of. And that fuckers married with three kids.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how hard things got I always had some hope they'd get better, but they never did. So I lost any and all hope for my life and the future. Which is why I'm writing this right now. I honestly have no cue what to think about what I'm about to do. I hope that your realize that I'm not doing this for my own selfish reasons, but rather to make everyone else in the world happy.

-Amanda H. Rose

P.S Your natural hair is much better than that bad blonde hair coloring.

When I finished I noticed that I was sobbing and Adam was hugging me. Cole held on tightly to Amanda's pillow and had his face buried into it. I knew he was doing his best to keep from crying. We all were, and I was failing in that area. We sat in silence and finally I said, "Maybe we should read the next one in a week or two."

The guys nodded and I felt my heart break even more as I twirled a lock of my dyed hair. I knew she wasn't a fan of my recent blonde dye job but she never told me she liked my natural hair color. I never knew she thought about those things. I guess I never had the right to know, until now that is.