Control

Chapter 4

I stood there looking at myself.

My eyes were the same cobalt blue. My hair was the same. Brown and wavy, yet something wasn’t right.

I felt different.

‘Oh well’ I thought.

As I was walking to dinner it only took me a few seconds to realise what Sandra had cooked.

She rarely ever cooked it because Jessica always complained. And a complaining Jessica means an argumentative Sapphire.

Just the smell of it made me speed up to the dining room. I finally got to the room and sat down ready to eat. I glanced at the table and saw a big pot of cheesy mashed potato, a bowl of salad, an extra large dish of lasagne and a jug that was filled up with water. At the sight of everything my mouth began to water. Gosh I loved Sandra’s cooking, whenever she wasn’t working she’d be cooking and I’d just watch her whip up heaps and heaps of food. She could never make half the stuff she wanted to make though because the twins were so fussy.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when I felt it again.

“That’s three times today!” I thought to myself. What the hell is wrong with me?

“What?” Charley and Jessica said at the same time

“Never mind” I mumbled before I dug into my food.

The girls were blabbing on about how many numbers they would get and were making bets on the first person to get drunk. None of that stuff really mattered to me though. I just wanted to go have fun. Swim in the ocean; buy some souvenirs and just chill. Maybe even paint a bit.

I don’t do boys you see. They bring to much trouble. The amount of times I’ve seen Jess come home crying her eyes out because her flavour of the week wanted to move on to someone new. It just doesn’t seem worth it to me. And this really pisses me off because the girls don’t realise they’re breaking their own hearts!

“Wake up and smell the bloody coffee will you! Not everything is about boys and alcohol! You should be thinking about your future right now! Maybe you should even start looking for jobs!” I shouted and then carried on eating my food like nothing had happened.

I felt eyes on my head and looked up to see the twins staring at me. Mouths wide open, ready to catch flies. I looked at Sandra and Alexander from the corner of my eye and saw them staring at me in shock.

“What?” I snapped. “You two were both thinking it.” I said shrugging and eating the remainder of my yummy lasagne.

After that no-one said a single word. We all ate in silence. All you could hear for the rest of dinner was the clanging of everyone’s knives and forks and then every now and then you would hear Alexander clear his throat.  

Maybe it really is best if I go away for a while. I can’t keep losing my cool like that.

I want to be able to tell Harps what I am and show her what I can do without hurting people around me. I see the looks she gives our group when she realises I’m having one of my ‘bad days’, the look that tells them to shut the hell up and think before they speak.

 I don’t want that anymore.

I want my friends to realise that I’m having an off day and just tell me crappy jokes until I snap out of it instead of making up excuses about how they need to be somewhere. I want to be able to stay in the same room with the twins for at least an hour without wanting to throw them half way across the room with a flick of my hand.

But hey, you can’t always get what you want.

Why did I have to be like this? I sighed and shook my head trying to ignore the pain and hurt. I looked up to see that the twins were still eating so I sat there and waited till they finished.