Am I Beautiful?

Chapter 3:

Song: Don't Know, Jason Walker

Lyric Of Choice:

Wait for it, how long have I waited for it

Asking myself why, am I still asking "why"

I can't ignore it, it's just too much and I can't afford it

When I'm so unsure that this is right

Cause' I don't want to fake it, or waste it,

Or be with you just because I'm scared to let you go

What if I miss it, this is everything

I don't want to love you, if I don't know...

Benedict.

I scrunch my hair in my fists, bowing my head in my hands, my elbows propped up on my shaking knees.

I suppose, in technicality, it wasn't his fault. It was mine.

Tom was a very attractive man, I wasn't surprised to hear Spencer was practically his already, but to hear him say he was going to ask him out to 'hit that fine piece of ass' god, it made me want to fucking tear every hair out of his head with tweezers. Tom didn't deserve to have to put up with such a grade eight douche faced cunt. It boiled my blood to watch Tom gush at his cheesy pick up lines, look down when complimented, act like he ha no idea how much of a little piece of shit Spencer was.

The worst part was, was that Tom totally bought his phoney compliments and shitty pick up lines. and then went on to accept his pokes at taking him out.

FUCK MY LIFE!

Jesus.

That was what I wanted!

Tom was supposed to like me!

Not some fuck with his head shoved so far up his ass he saw daylight again.

No.

Wait a minute.

Lets not get ahead of ourselves, Tom was not yours Tom was whomever he chose to be's. Even if they were useless members of society with no hope of bettering our world. I may disagree with his choice of... companionship. That did not mean Tom was mine, as if he was an object to push around, like Spencer had suggested earlier. Not only that, but Spencer wasn't too terrible, sure he had his unexpectedly, unexplainable, and frankly absolutely stupid ideas, but he was well rounded, in the vaguest of terms.

Tom just made me feel like a wave, and maybe he had that effect on everyone. He moved over me like a sail boat, and I tried to grasp him quickly, I rose high up, and then I was pushed back down and he had moved to a different wave, with only a few drops of water to show I tried to catch him. It was hopeless to catch a sailboat when you were a mere wave, gone as quickly as you came, everyone remembered their sail boats though, the first one they had, their first ship wreck. But no one named a wave, no one took the time to paint a name on a wave with whatever they could, because I was a wave in a sea of those that were just like me, no one could tell me apart from another wave.

I lift my head, the light making my head pound even harder than it had before when I watched the two interact. Tom tilted his head back and let out a hardy chuckle and I think of when I could do that, and I wonder if he liked me then.

I let out a laugh at my foolish thoughts, scoffing at the mere thought of being together like they were and burry my head in my hands again. Waiting for my cue.

§•§

Nothing else had happened for the past four hours, I went to the bathroom to get away from their constantly passing compliments and over active pick up line using.