Nothing

460 26 10
                                    

Evan Hansen loved trees.
He'd loved them ever since he was 6 years old and his dad had taken him to this huge open field that was full of trees.
It had been the last real day that him and his dad had, had together.
His dad sat under a tree and read a book while Evan ran around playing with sticks and other things.
Then right before they left his dad had held him on his shoulders so that he could climb one of them.
He had not been afraid because he knew that his dad would catch him if he fell.
But Evan woke up that morning hating everything.
He was sitting at the breakfast table hating his corn flakes.
Hating the wallpaper in the kitchen.
Hating the way the sunlight reflected off his living room floor.
Hating Jared Kleinman.
"Evan you ok hon?" His mom asked coming in to the kitchen to refill her coffee mug.
He quickly dug into his cereal.
"Yeah Mom fine just spacing out."
His mother stirred in the necessary amount of creamer and sat in the chair opposite him.
"So did you apply to those dual credit courses I was telling you about?" She asked him.
"Oh....uh yeah.. I did but mom I don't really see the point I'm graduating this year."
"Colleges look for stuff like that Evan. I'm just trying to give you a better chance at succeeding and getting into a good school."
She reached across the table and touched his hand.
"I just want what's best for you."
"Yeah Mom I know." His mother glanced up at the clock.
"Shoot I gotta head out I've got a doctor's appointment."
She picked up her mug and grabbed her jacket hanging on the back of her chair.
"Lock up when you leave." She reminded him planting a kiss on his head.
"I will." he promised as she slung her purse over her shoulder and left.
Evan glanced at the clock he still had about 10 minutes till Jared would be here.
Ugh Jared.
Evan was honestly in no mood to see him. He'd trusted that jerk and this whole time he'd just been making fun of him.
Evan didn't know what to do now.
Jared was an asshole.
Zoe didn't like him.
What was he going to do?
He heard the sound of a car horn outside and he grinded his teeth together.
He did not want to see Jared.
He did not want to talk to Jared.
He didn't want to have anything to do with Jared.
Hot tears filled his eyes as he got up from the table and raced to the back door. He threw it open and ran to the back gate. He grabbed his bike leaning against the fence and took off.
The sound of his heart was in his ears and his tears made his vision blurry but he kept going.
He had too.....
Jared was exhausted.
After making out with Lily for a few hours last night he'd grown tired of it and had just fallen asleep. Even very feminine Lily could not banish the thought of Evan from his head.
He'd been a little forward and kind of a jerk. He was man enough to admit that.
Maybe it wasn't the best idea to just kiss Evan without even asking him what he wanted first.
But he hadn't been thinking and he was just so scared at the idea of losing Evan that he'd panicked.
He just had to apologise. Maybe he could just convince Evan that he'd had to much to drink and they could both laugh it off.
So he left Lily asleep on the floor got dressed grabbed some coffee and headed out to pick up Evan for school.
That was 30 minutes ago. He'd honked his horn and waited but Evan hadn't come out.
He went to the door and knocked on it.
No answer.
That was funny...maybe Evan was sick he was pretty wasted last night but wouldn't Heidi come to the door to tell him?
Maybe Evan was really mad about last night and was avoiding him. He couldn't blame him.
He checked his phone. He had to leave or he'd be late. So with one last parting glance at the door he walked back to his car.
Evan had been biking for about 10 minutes now. His lungs were burning and his legs ached but he didn't stop. His mind wouldn't let him. Evan thought about everything as he went.
His mother.
Zoe.
Alana.
Connor.
Jared.
His school with all those people who had picked on him.
The jerks who made fun of him.
The insulting things they had shouted at him.
And Evan didn't want it.
He didn't want any of it.
Finally he reached his destantion.
The field that his dad had taken him to all those years ago.
He dropped his bike by the fence jumped over the low fence and headed into the great open space.
He couldn't help but admire the scene around him.
Trees and green grass and flowers.
It was beautiful.
Evan thought it not fair that something could be so beautiful.
He kept walking knowing what he was looking for but not remembering where it was.
Then after what seemed like forever he found it.
The tallest tree.
Evan hesitated. He genuinely truly hesitated for a few seconds.
His hands were on the bark and he was about to swing himself up....
And he paused.
Because Evan knew. He knew it was wrong and cowardly and cliche.
And then the second was gone and Evan was climbing.
Evan knew he couldn't sit through the time it would take pills to take effect.
His mother didn't own a gun.
Blood made him faint and he cringed at the thought of cutting himself.
Suffocation was his worst fear.
Evan thought as he climbed.
He wondered how long it would take for someone to find him.
He wondered if anyone would know where to look for him.
He wondered if he would go to heaven.
Evan stood on the branch a little unsteadily and looked down at the great expanse of the ground.
He held on to the branch above him and closed his eyes.
He hadn't been afraid when he was with his dad because he knew if he fell his dad would catch him.
But now there was no one to catch him.
No one to come and get him.
He had no one.
And then he opened his eyes.
And then he let go.
Jared stopped his car in the parking lot. He sat in it for a few minutes.
He saw Lily heading for the front door and he really didn't want to deal with that right now.
"I'm sorry Jared." Connors voice came to him suddenly.
"What..... Connor?" He swiveled around in his seat looking for the teen.
No answer.
"Sorry for what?" He asked into the empty space.
Nothing.
Why would Connor contact him now?
What was he apologizing for?
What could possibly be so important that he would......
Jared threw the car into reverse and sped out of the parking lot.
He could hear people shouting and honking behind him but he payed them no attention.
Because he knew. He knew why Connor had spoken to him.
Evan.
He reached his house in no time.
Leaving the engine running he raced up the stairs to his front door and banged furiously on the wood.
When he got no answer he banged more forcibly.
"EVAN!" He screamed panicking now. "MS. HANSEN!!"
Nothing.
Jared jogged around to the side of the house and tried the back door.
No answer here either.
Then he noticed that Evan's bike was gone.
And suddenly everything fell into place for Jared.
The danger that Connor didn't know about.
The thing he'd apologized for.
Evan wouldn't want anyone to find him.
Jared shot across the grass and slid into his car.
He started driving before he closed his door.
He knew where he was.
He knew what he was doing.
Death by collision. That's what Connor had said.
Jared's heart had dropped to his stomach.
No no no no no.
That was the only thought that was in his head as he drove.
Finally he reached his destantion.
He left the car running again and leaped over the low fence.
He took off running.
"EVAN!" He called out.
"EVAN WHERE ARE YOU?! ANSWER ME!!!!"
Jared wouldn't believe that he was to late.
He was holding on to the stupid hope that maybe he was wrong.
Then he turned the corner and saw that he wasn't.
"EVAN!" He took off running toward the limp form on the ground.
"No! No! No! No! No!"
He screamed.
"Evan!?" He asked again kneeling on the ground by his head.
The boy didn't respond. Of course he didn't respond. He couldn't.
His arm was twisted at a terrifying angle. His eyes were closed. His chest wasn't moving.
He pressed two fingers to the side of Evan's neck.
Nothing. Of course not.
Jared wrapped his arms around himself and started sobbing.
"Evan.... Evan....."
He pulled his head onto his lap and stroked his spiky blonde hair.
Ran his fingers over his eyelids his cheeks his mouth.
Then he hugged him close shaking with his sobs before pounding his fist against Evan's chest.
"Why? Why why why why WHY?!"
He looked up at the sky accusingly.
"Why do you have to TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME!!!!" He demanded.
He'd lost Connor.
He'd lost his friends.
He'd lost his parents.
He'd lost the Murphy's.
He'd lost Evan.
Now he had nothing.
-----------------------------------------------------
This was hard to write.
And if I remember correctly
YamsFangirl told me not to kill Evan
Sorry hon

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