a collection of poems

my struggle with self love

there are days where i
wanna rip my face off, where
i stay up all night trying to
figure which parts of myself i
would be able to fix with
plastic surgery.

there are days where i want
to hate god for making me look
the way i do.
where i stand in the mirror and
cry because i don't look like
the models i see on instagram,
or the girls on tv.

most days i'll look on the internet
how much it would cost
to make my nose smaller, and
wonder how i'd pay for it.
most days i'll look in the mirror
picking apart every feature of myself,
wondering how to make it better.

most days i wish i didn't look the
way i do,
most days i don't wanna go
out of my house, fearing that others
will see what i see too.

most days i wonder what i'd look
like if i had different color hair,
what i'd look like if i my skin
was lighter, or maybe even darker.
wondering what i'd look like if
i had a prettier eye color, or
if i were taller,

but there are days where i feel
amazing, where i truly
wouldn't want to change a thing.
there are days where i could walk
out of my house without
feeling too fat or too ugly.

and it's hard to accept the way
i look, but slowly
i'm getting there.